Really, do you? Or do you just say you will or smile and nod... give the impression that you will pray and then don't, for whatever reason?
I do. I pray all the time. I have lists of people that I pray for. My Mama and I are always exchanging prayer requests, so are me and the besties. I get e-mails and FB requests for prayer. I don't ask for specifics, but if someone says "I need some prayers" I am there, praying. And I tell them I am praying.
I think it is important to let people know that you are praying for them.
I pray for people whether or not I like them or know them well. I put particular effort into those because it can sometimes be more difficult to approach with an open heart, but I still do it.
See, my take is that people don't ask for prayers unless they really need them. I find that praying for others lightens my personal burdens.... approaching prayer with an open heart can lift me up higher than most other things.
God doesn't care about your religion, or the religion of the person you are praying for... he cares that you are praying. I approach casually, God and I have an understanding... I think that ritual is great for Church, but I want God to be a part of my daily life, my friend and mentor, so I speak to him like a friend. It makes praying so much easier and normal for me - and I want an attitude of prayer to be normal for me.
Believe it or not I was criticized for the way I pray a few times.
One person told me that I should always address the Lord as "Father God". When I asked her where it said that she kind of spluttered at me and said that was just the way it was supposed to be.
One person told me that God wouldn't listen to prayers that weren't written in the Book of Common Prayer used by the Episcopal Church. I laughed at her. Then I told her that I was Episcopalian and had never been taught that. She never spoke to me again. I pray for her every day.
Yet a third person asked me if I really thought God was listening to me as I wasn't approaching humbly and penitent.... I gave the only response I could... God knows what is in my heart and makes that decision, no one else should presume to know the state of my soul.
Prayer should be open communication between the individual and God, regardless of religion or the form in which the prayer takes. Prayer should be uplifting. Prayers are answered - with a feeling, an accidental meeting with someone that needs to be in your life, or more obvious signs and signals... you can only "see" them if your heart is open to the working of the Lord. Just facts.... having had several prayers answered I know this to be true. Of course, many go unanswered which is an answer within itself.
Anyway.... do you pray? Do you mean it? I hope so.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Anger, Rage, Discontent
So, what do you do when you are angry? Me? I usually yell and get it out of my system. Or, I keep my mouth shut and chew the inside of it. Or, i just let it go. That last doesn't happen to often but it does happen. This is not the way I used to deal with it - I held it close and loved that feeling, that burn of righteous anger.... not a nice way to be.
Now, what do you do when someone else is angry? I usually try to diffuse it or side track it.... make them see a funny side to it, deflect it... anything to not be around it. I am often successful.
I also try to get people to see the roots of their anger. It usually isn't what set them off and can sometimes be something that they didn't even realize made them angry in the first place. Often we "push down" what we think others will find to be inappropriate anger or if we personally feel that the anger isn't "right".
Here's the problem with that - anger is a feeling - there is no right or wrong to it... feelings can only be controlled to a point - you cannot control what you feel, only how you express it. That is fact.
Now, what do you do when someone is unreasonably angry and hates everyone and everything, including themselves? When they don't even know why they are angry?
Yeah, that is a tough one. Stumped you didn't I? Well, the way I see it is if you love them you just tough it out with them. I know, I wrote about this just the other day but it is really on my mind right now.
Someone I love is angry like this. No matter what I say or do this person is lashing out - cruelly at times. It hurts on so many levels, but mostly I am hurting FOR this person, not because of them. Don't get me wrong, I am hurt by this behavior, but I know it isn't necessarily personal. I also know that we always hurt the ones we love so at this point anger is far better than indifference.
Life sucks when you wake up at 3 am to a nasty e-mail. Now it is almost 5 and the e-mail is still in the front of my brain. No more sleep for this weary soul.
Off to ruminate.
Now, what do you do when someone else is angry? I usually try to diffuse it or side track it.... make them see a funny side to it, deflect it... anything to not be around it. I am often successful.
I also try to get people to see the roots of their anger. It usually isn't what set them off and can sometimes be something that they didn't even realize made them angry in the first place. Often we "push down" what we think others will find to be inappropriate anger or if we personally feel that the anger isn't "right".
Here's the problem with that - anger is a feeling - there is no right or wrong to it... feelings can only be controlled to a point - you cannot control what you feel, only how you express it. That is fact.
Now, what do you do when someone is unreasonably angry and hates everyone and everything, including themselves? When they don't even know why they are angry?
Yeah, that is a tough one. Stumped you didn't I? Well, the way I see it is if you love them you just tough it out with them. I know, I wrote about this just the other day but it is really on my mind right now.
Someone I love is angry like this. No matter what I say or do this person is lashing out - cruelly at times. It hurts on so many levels, but mostly I am hurting FOR this person, not because of them. Don't get me wrong, I am hurt by this behavior, but I know it isn't necessarily personal. I also know that we always hurt the ones we love so at this point anger is far better than indifference.
Life sucks when you wake up at 3 am to a nasty e-mail. Now it is almost 5 and the e-mail is still in the front of my brain. No more sleep for this weary soul.
Off to ruminate.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Old Friends and Lots of Laughs....
So while I was home I got together for lunch with some old friends.... not that we are old, we are all definitely young at heart, but we have all known each other for "almost ever" as one of them says.... i like that phrase and will steal it for use whenever I need it.
Anyway, when I think of them I think of good times... we had fun, and lots of it. I can't even remember when I first met two of them... as one of them put it when asked, "you were just always there". One drifted in in first grade, two in 7th.... but these are people I know.
I might not know everything about their lives, but there was a deep, bone deep, sense of familiarity in being with them. I remember when one of them had a crush on a Jackson brother in 4th grade... can't remember which Jackson but I remember the crush.
I remember when another lost her virginity. When one experienced her parent's divorce and how hard that was, when another went to lunch at the Country Club with me and my Grandmother.... lots of memories, lots of good times.
It had been almost 30 years since I had seen some of them, less time for others... but they were still those same girls... still the women that I had giggled with, broken curfew with, scoped boys with, misbehaved with.... bonds that last forever when you think about it.
The strange thing is that we all connected through FaceBook.... weirdness.... total weirdness. Add in the fact that we all truly wanted to have that lunch, reforge those connections and you have friendship, support, guidance... knowing that these women are out there, that they want to be my friends again/still.. well, that was pretty amazing. And fun.
And I can't wait to see them all again.
Anyway, when I think of them I think of good times... we had fun, and lots of it. I can't even remember when I first met two of them... as one of them put it when asked, "you were just always there". One drifted in in first grade, two in 7th.... but these are people I know.
I might not know everything about their lives, but there was a deep, bone deep, sense of familiarity in being with them. I remember when one of them had a crush on a Jackson brother in 4th grade... can't remember which Jackson but I remember the crush.
I remember when another lost her virginity. When one experienced her parent's divorce and how hard that was, when another went to lunch at the Country Club with me and my Grandmother.... lots of memories, lots of good times.
It had been almost 30 years since I had seen some of them, less time for others... but they were still those same girls... still the women that I had giggled with, broken curfew with, scoped boys with, misbehaved with.... bonds that last forever when you think about it.
The strange thing is that we all connected through FaceBook.... weirdness.... total weirdness. Add in the fact that we all truly wanted to have that lunch, reforge those connections and you have friendship, support, guidance... knowing that these women are out there, that they want to be my friends again/still.. well, that was pretty amazing. And fun.
And I can't wait to see them all again.
The Why's and How's of life, friendship, and love
I am forever asking why and how. I really want to know. How do people manage to do horrible things? Why would they want to hurt other people? How do they look themselves in the mirror?
People get hurt everyday - usually because someone was thoughtless or inconsiderate, but often it is from a directed emotional attack. How can people do this - blast someone who cares for them as if they were nothing. Better yet, blast someone they loved once, and maybe still do.
I get that most of it comes from their personal insecurity or some issue or problem they are having, but why not reach for comfort? Why choose to cause someone else to suffer a similar pain to what they are suffering? Who does that? Really, what kind of person does it take to do that?
I have definitely been thinking on this long and hard... it has to be someone who holds trust for no man (or woman). They must have been hurt and violated in some way, some horrible way, before. They must be insecure and feel unlovable. Maybe they even feel unloved... how horrible would that be? They certainly wouldn't love themselves, or even like themselves very much.
I wouldn't like to be that person. I was once... I hated the world and everyone on it. I felt nothing but anger. I had been hurt, repeatedly. I felt unloved and unlovable. I was a horrible person to be around. I pushed everyone away... it didn't make me feel any better to ruin those relationships but I was slowly putting myself in the place I felt that I deserved to be.
It took a while to crawl out and see the destruction I had wrought. It took a long while to make all the apologies that needed to be made. I was hurt that no one had noticed and cared enough to try to stop me from going down that path, and I was doubly hurt that no one walked it with me. No one stayed... everyone gave up.
I promised myself that if ever a friend or loved one headed down that same path I would stay by them... no matter what. I would love them, continue to love them, forgive them any and every thing. I would love them through it no matter how mean, hateful, rude, boorish or nasty they were. They would know they were loved.
So, I'm doing that now. I understand why so many of my friends walked away from me. I get how hard it is. I have two things I hold on to every day - I love this person and this will pass. I have no doubt it will get uglier, nastier, meaner before it does, and then it will pass.
I have no idea what our relationship will be after... but I will have done what I promised myself so long ago - loved this person through it. Loved with all my heart, prayed with all my soul, and spoken carefully, lovingly, and non-judgmentally.
See, that is what love is all about - not judging and being full of expectations rather loving and kind and helpful. We, as a species have, quite simply, forgotten that.
And, even though my pajamas say "it's all about me" it really isn't - right now it is all about this person, getting through this crisis and heading toward true healing.
People get hurt everyday - usually because someone was thoughtless or inconsiderate, but often it is from a directed emotional attack. How can people do this - blast someone who cares for them as if they were nothing. Better yet, blast someone they loved once, and maybe still do.
I get that most of it comes from their personal insecurity or some issue or problem they are having, but why not reach for comfort? Why choose to cause someone else to suffer a similar pain to what they are suffering? Who does that? Really, what kind of person does it take to do that?
I have definitely been thinking on this long and hard... it has to be someone who holds trust for no man (or woman). They must have been hurt and violated in some way, some horrible way, before. They must be insecure and feel unlovable. Maybe they even feel unloved... how horrible would that be? They certainly wouldn't love themselves, or even like themselves very much.
I wouldn't like to be that person. I was once... I hated the world and everyone on it. I felt nothing but anger. I had been hurt, repeatedly. I felt unloved and unlovable. I was a horrible person to be around. I pushed everyone away... it didn't make me feel any better to ruin those relationships but I was slowly putting myself in the place I felt that I deserved to be.
It took a while to crawl out and see the destruction I had wrought. It took a long while to make all the apologies that needed to be made. I was hurt that no one had noticed and cared enough to try to stop me from going down that path, and I was doubly hurt that no one walked it with me. No one stayed... everyone gave up.
I promised myself that if ever a friend or loved one headed down that same path I would stay by them... no matter what. I would love them, continue to love them, forgive them any and every thing. I would love them through it no matter how mean, hateful, rude, boorish or nasty they were. They would know they were loved.
So, I'm doing that now. I understand why so many of my friends walked away from me. I get how hard it is. I have two things I hold on to every day - I love this person and this will pass. I have no doubt it will get uglier, nastier, meaner before it does, and then it will pass.
I have no idea what our relationship will be after... but I will have done what I promised myself so long ago - loved this person through it. Loved with all my heart, prayed with all my soul, and spoken carefully, lovingly, and non-judgmentally.
See, that is what love is all about - not judging and being full of expectations rather loving and kind and helpful. We, as a species have, quite simply, forgotten that.
And, even though my pajamas say "it's all about me" it really isn't - right now it is all about this person, getting through this crisis and heading toward true healing.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Topsy Turvy
My life is topsy turvy. I came home from my trip to find that two people I trusted broke my trust. Hmmm, what to do about that? Obviously a conversation is in order but I am not sure how to start it. Maybe with "you broke my trust".
TeenDream is off at school doing his placement testing. College. Wow. Still trying to deal with the fact hat he is out of high school and 18, I'm not ready for college just yet.
The Hubster has lost his mind... not too sure what to do about that one. Being so far apart for so long is going to take a toll, and we volunteered for this. The good thing is that I can do what I need to do to hopefully become more that "Almost Successful". Still hoping to travel and do some public readings of the books (yep - number two is coming right along). But, since it is on Kindle, bookstores are not really the best place to do readings.... Sigh.
The Beasties... oh, The Beasties.... she vomited all over the bed last night and neither one ate breakfast. Sheesh.. I think it might be the heat - the heat index has been over 100 for days now.... and he has a delicate stomach. Travel makes them both nervous for different reasons... her because she gets car sick and him because he is so excited to be going places. ANyway, now they just want to be al over me - not a huge problem but they are little heat pumps so it gets uncomfortably warm - unless they are on my left leg which is flaring like there is no tomorrow - hurts and not working so well.
The fibro flare - mentioned above - is more than just the leg... the back, under the shoulder blades, the hands.... the headache, the feet, every muscle in the body, and the fact that I want nothing more than to lie down and sleep.....
The laundry that isn't going to do itself (or be done by anyone else).
The grocery shopping that needs to happen.
The bathroom stuff that needs to be unpacked and put away.....
everything except caring for the flaring is on hold until tomorrow.... if I can do it from the bed I will, otherwise tough.
It is days like this that I am thankful I can work from home.
TeenDream is off at school doing his placement testing. College. Wow. Still trying to deal with the fact hat he is out of high school and 18, I'm not ready for college just yet.
The Hubster has lost his mind... not too sure what to do about that one. Being so far apart for so long is going to take a toll, and we volunteered for this. The good thing is that I can do what I need to do to hopefully become more that "Almost Successful". Still hoping to travel and do some public readings of the books (yep - number two is coming right along). But, since it is on Kindle, bookstores are not really the best place to do readings.... Sigh.
The Beasties... oh, The Beasties.... she vomited all over the bed last night and neither one ate breakfast. Sheesh.. I think it might be the heat - the heat index has been over 100 for days now.... and he has a delicate stomach. Travel makes them both nervous for different reasons... her because she gets car sick and him because he is so excited to be going places. ANyway, now they just want to be al over me - not a huge problem but they are little heat pumps so it gets uncomfortably warm - unless they are on my left leg which is flaring like there is no tomorrow - hurts and not working so well.
The fibro flare - mentioned above - is more than just the leg... the back, under the shoulder blades, the hands.... the headache, the feet, every muscle in the body, and the fact that I want nothing more than to lie down and sleep.....
The laundry that isn't going to do itself (or be done by anyone else).
The grocery shopping that needs to happen.
The bathroom stuff that needs to be unpacked and put away.....
everything except caring for the flaring is on hold until tomorrow.... if I can do it from the bed I will, otherwise tough.
It is days like this that I am thankful I can work from home.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Independence Day
So, I sit here on the 4th of July, the day upon which we celebrate the birth of our nation, and miss my sailor.
He is in Guam now, headed to Diego Garcia for a year. I had a pretty good day.... got an e-mail from The Hubster, went to church and cried (so many reasons that is okay), had a great brunch with the family, visited with a favored Uncle, and went to the beach... now, the beach was special today.
Today the Air Force sent a C-17 down South Carolina's coast to film us for the troops. They flew from Myrtle Beach to Hilton Head.... they waggled their wings and flew at 50 feet..... very close to the water. About 5 minutes before they got to us our section of the beach stood up and faced toward the North East... we were all waiting patiently. The first we saw was just a little black dot, but we could hear the roar from dow the beach and it grew louder - the roar of people whistling and yelling was a bit louder than the plane.
It was amazing, this feeling of being surrounded by patriots, people who support the troops, people who in some small way, waving and whistling on the beach, honored our service members. It was awesome. It was awe inspiring. It definitely brought tears to my eyes.
Every lonely night, every day we are apart, every missed phone call, every agony I personally go through to support my sailor, it is all worth it. What he does is more than worthwhile - it is something that has to be done. The men and women who volunteer to this and the families that support them -well, the beach thing might have been fun for some, a lark for others, and just something to do for yet others, but to us, it meant more than you will ever know.
Thanks South Carolina and all other states that did something special for the troops today. Happy Independence Day.
He is in Guam now, headed to Diego Garcia for a year. I had a pretty good day.... got an e-mail from The Hubster, went to church and cried (so many reasons that is okay), had a great brunch with the family, visited with a favored Uncle, and went to the beach... now, the beach was special today.
Today the Air Force sent a C-17 down South Carolina's coast to film us for the troops. They flew from Myrtle Beach to Hilton Head.... they waggled their wings and flew at 50 feet..... very close to the water. About 5 minutes before they got to us our section of the beach stood up and faced toward the North East... we were all waiting patiently. The first we saw was just a little black dot, but we could hear the roar from dow the beach and it grew louder - the roar of people whistling and yelling was a bit louder than the plane.
It was amazing, this feeling of being surrounded by patriots, people who support the troops, people who in some small way, waving and whistling on the beach, honored our service members. It was awesome. It was awe inspiring. It definitely brought tears to my eyes.
Every lonely night, every day we are apart, every missed phone call, every agony I personally go through to support my sailor, it is all worth it. What he does is more than worthwhile - it is something that has to be done. The men and women who volunteer to this and the families that support them -well, the beach thing might have been fun for some, a lark for others, and just something to do for yet others, but to us, it meant more than you will ever know.
Thanks South Carolina and all other states that did something special for the troops today. Happy Independence Day.
Friday, July 2, 2010
We love and hate our phones
There are many things military spouses do when their service members are deployed.... two of the most notable are checking e-mail and social networking sites constantly and having our phones with us at all times.... you never know when your heart might e-mail or call.... and you don't want to miss it.... the feelings when that happens are extreme and horrible.
Many of us set our phones to receive e-mail just in case we have the chance to catch them "live" and get to have an e-mail conversation with them.... like chatting. Even getting a one line "I am really exhausted and am going to bed" e-mail can light up our day - heck, it can light up our week if the have been "River City" (no communication).
People don't get that. They say things like "I could never be apart from my wife/husband like that" and "How do you stand it?" - not one of these things is helpful.... but it does have the benefit of having us re-evaluate our lives and marriages on a fairly constant basis.
We see our spouses as they truly are - no rose colored glasses for us. And we love them any way or in spite of it.... Laugh if you want, but if you haven't spent 1/2 of your married life away from your spouse then your marriage hasn't truly been tested.
Some people view a marriage as being tested by going through the day to day grind and surviving. Military spouses view being tested as finding out your spouse had an affair right before he /she goes out to sea and trying to fix things by e-mail.
Some people view a marriage as being tested when their spouse gets home late from work and dinner is ruined. Military spouses view being tested as your spouse being in rotating shift work so you can't plan your week, much less your day.
Some people view a marriage as being tested if they are a different faith than their spouse. Military spouses pray to God every day to keep their service member safe, regardless of what religion they follow.
We keep things running smoothly, choose not to share bad news that our service members can't fix because it would just increase their already stressful situation, know that the written word is open to interpretation by the reader so try not to develop hurt feelings because our sailor/soldier/ marine/airman wrote something really stupid..... we hold them close in our hearts because we love them and we love being able to support them.
So... we love our phones, especially when they ring and we get to hear the voice of our heart.
Many of us set our phones to receive e-mail just in case we have the chance to catch them "live" and get to have an e-mail conversation with them.... like chatting. Even getting a one line "I am really exhausted and am going to bed" e-mail can light up our day - heck, it can light up our week if the have been "River City" (no communication).
People don't get that. They say things like "I could never be apart from my wife/husband like that" and "How do you stand it?" - not one of these things is helpful.... but it does have the benefit of having us re-evaluate our lives and marriages on a fairly constant basis.
We see our spouses as they truly are - no rose colored glasses for us. And we love them any way or in spite of it.... Laugh if you want, but if you haven't spent 1/2 of your married life away from your spouse then your marriage hasn't truly been tested.
Some people view a marriage as being tested by going through the day to day grind and surviving. Military spouses view being tested as finding out your spouse had an affair right before he /she goes out to sea and trying to fix things by e-mail.
Some people view a marriage as being tested when their spouse gets home late from work and dinner is ruined. Military spouses view being tested as your spouse being in rotating shift work so you can't plan your week, much less your day.
Some people view a marriage as being tested if they are a different faith than their spouse. Military spouses pray to God every day to keep their service member safe, regardless of what religion they follow.
We keep things running smoothly, choose not to share bad news that our service members can't fix because it would just increase their already stressful situation, know that the written word is open to interpretation by the reader so try not to develop hurt feelings because our sailor/soldier/ marine/airman wrote something really stupid..... we hold them close in our hearts because we love them and we love being able to support them.
So... we love our phones, especially when they ring and we get to hear the voice of our heart.
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