What to Wear?

I get The Hubster back in about a month. Yay.

I have no idea what to wear. Boo.

The last time I saw him was around June 8th, 2010. It will have been about nine months. Sheesh... if I still had the requisite parts I could have had a baby by then. That is truly a long time. The last time he was me I was tan, thin, and pretty darn sexy looking for an old gal. Now I am pasty white, a little heavier, and not so sexy feeling.

It is difficult to figure out what to wear in these circumstances... trust me, it is difficult under the really good ones too.

It will be around Valentine's Day - maybe before, maybe after... no on knows at this time.

I have been shopping on-line, in person, mentally gone over my whole wardrobe 20 or thirty times..... I have no idea what to wear.

There is the new red dress.... sexy, but subtle. Well, as subtle as a red dress can be anyway.

There is the new black jumpsuit.... sexy but covered.

There is the patterned dress - purple, cream and black.... shows some serious cleavage but not too sexy.

There is the standard jeggings, boots, and a cute top.... shows the shape of my legs (which I will say are pretty darn good) and is casual yet can be sexy with the right top.

There is the very cute pink and white dress.... shows serious, serious cleavage but is pretty darn cute.

And shoes... sheesh! What shoes will I wear? Do I go for sexy or comfortable or somehow try to do both? If I wear boots and jeggings I know I will be comfortable but I think sexy trumps comfort under these conditions. Then again, I will be standing at the airport for a while maybe.....

Jewelry! What jewelry? Something I made or something he gave me? OMG.... I am driving myself insane.

Perfume or not? He likes perfume.... okay, one thing decided I will wear perfume now to figure out which one.

All I want to do is knock his socks off.

One friend says red dress. One friend says black jumpsuit. One friend says go naked. One friend says wear a trench coat and nothing else.....

I guess I will be trying everything on and modeling for my Mama..... taking pictures and mailing them to my besties.... making up my mind and then changing it over and over.... freaking out on THE DAY of and then wearing the first thing I pick out of the closet.

Sounds good... now if I can only minimize the clothing drama between now and then!

So, Friends or Not? I Say NOT!!

I have been trying to sell my house in VA... we all know that. I have the Beasties... not conducive to selling a house. My choices were to take the beasties in and out of the house every time someone wanted to look at it, as well as removing all Beastie paraphernalia from the house (some people won't buy a house that an animal has lived in). Quite frankly, the effort it would take would make me crazy and set my poor little Beasties right off their feed. Well, Boy Beastie would have food issues, Girl Beastie can and will eat anything any time anywhere. Whatever.

Long and short of it, the dogs and I have removed to my Mama's house. I have some friends who need money and they agreed to watch the house, collect the mail, keep the yard clear of trash, and clean the house once a week (dust, wipe counters and flush toilets - maybe an hour). For this I would pay them $20 a week, in advance. They would call or text me when I got bills so that I could pay them. How hard is that?

When I went up after Thanksgiving everything looked pretty okay. Not perfect but good enough. I paid them extra money before I left to rake the yard. This was the first week of December.

I called them on Friday a week ago to let them know that the house was being shown on Saturday and ask if they could get the house done Friday instead of Saturday.

"Sure, what do you want me to do abut the leaves?" he said.
"Why are there leaves still in the yard?" I asked.
"Well, I ran out of bags." he said.

Let me stop here because the rest of the conversation just pisses me of beyond beyond. Really, it make me crazier than a squirrel whose lost his nuts. Suffice to say that, in the FIVE WEEKS since they had been paid they had not contacted me to say that they ran out of bags. They had not contacted me to say they needed anything. They had managed to rake the front yard and left the back yard nasty. Pissed does not cover it. I bet the damn leaves are still in my yard.

So, I texted them today and asked if any of my bills were there as I know my gas, water, and sanitation bills are coming up. Oh, they texted back... "We are sure they are due, we'll call when we get home." So, they call. I have two of them... water and gas. They give me the totals and the due dates.

"The gas was due on the 10th?!?" I yelped.
"Yeah, that's what is says" she replied.
"I thought you were supposed to text me or call when bills got in?" I queried.

She was silent. I guess she could tell I was pissed.

Anyway, after a few second I said "I will be up on Wednesday, see you then." and hung up. I couldn't get out anything else calmly and politely. See, they might pay their bills late or in part and they might have their power, water, phone, cable, whatever cut off but I don't. I pay bills when they come in, in full. I understand being poor, I was poor for a very long time. We aren't rich, we are comfortable and I budget well. Bills always get paid before fun is had.. that is just the way I operate.

See, I don't want to yell at them. I don't want acrimony. I just want to get back the keys to my house, hire someone else to do the work, pack out my stuff and leave again with no fuss no muss.

They have been pretty good friends to me right up until this. Now I have to wonder if they were ever really my friends.

I think not.

Sigh. I hate it when things like this happen.

I think I'll be a Hermit Crab, or Sarah Palin.

If you have been paying any attention to the news, one of AZ congresswomen, Gabby Giffords, was shot, along with 18 other people, six of whom died. One of them was a young girl, only 9. Sad. Tragic. Horrific. The gunman yelled something and then just started shooting people in the head.

There were some heroes:

The young aide to the congresswoman who forged through the chaos to be at her side. He ran into the gunfire.

The two men who tackled the shooter.

The older woman who grabbed the magazine from the shooter's hands as he was trying to reload.

The men who threw themselves in front of their wives to protect them from harm.

The people who ran TOWARDS danger in hopes of saving/helping their fellow man.

Heroes, every single one of them.

Within hours, hours, the local Sheriff, an elected official and a democrat (yes, his party is vitally important at this time) took art in a news conference and decried the Conservative vitriol and rhetoric that led this young man to commit this mass murder/shooting. Well. That was a shocker.

Then other liberal elected officials, news anchors, and the press in general took up the cry of foul, foul Conservatives, your party is responsible for this. Unbelievable.

Then they said that it was Sarah Palin's fault. Really? I've seen her "Sarah Palin's Alaska" and actually found it entertaining and nothing to cause me to shoot up a Safeway, or Food Lion, or Harris Teeter - no matter how high their prices. Now, I get that she is quite passionate that a more conservative approach to government would save all of us lots of money, and do the same for our children, that she stumped the election circuit at the REQUEST of conservatives running for office, and that she is pretty much "in your face" when it comes down to the brass tacks of things, but how on earth did her rhetoric cause this? Really?

So, a friend of mine posted one of the many articles regarding this horrible moment in AZ history. Yes, he is a freaky liberal - really out there. The article also said that Sarah Palin was responsible for it. What crap.

I responded with actual facts....

1. The gun is a tool... the size of the magazine has nothing to do with anything... he just would have reloaded earlier.
2. The election was over months ago.... if the so called "Conservative VItriol and Rhetoric" was going t incite this kind of behavior you think it would have happened sooner.
3. His friends have stated two things about his political leanings: a) he is apolitical and only watches some strange youtube channel that deals with currency issues or b) he is a flaming liberal.

As I expected my friend, and his friends were in a frenzy over this. They did what most liberal (I refuse to say all as I know some very reasonable Democrats) do when confronted with facts - they picked phrases and took them out of context to make their points. When I restated the facts, calmly and rationally they chose to insult me. Wow. What a rational response to being wrong. Then they took pot shots at me - several of these grown boys (I hate to call them men), most in their forties or late thirties, don't even know me, have never met me, and have no idea what my personal beliefs are much less what my life experience is. It actually made for pretty good reading, if you like fiction.

I think the thing that pissed them off this morning was when I quoted President Obama at them. I don't like him, didn't vote for him, and think he is causing our country irreparable harm, but they think he is brilliant so I used him to prove them wrong. The President said that there should be no finger pointing, that no-one cold say what caused this to happen.

Well, they didn't like that one bit. They couldn't even respond directly to that.

But they did compare me to a hermit crab and to Sarah Palin.

Gotta love those liberals.

Holidays are over - YAY!!!

So, although I love the spirit of Christmas, and the "reason for the season" I do not particularly like the rest of the crap that comes with it. Tension, loneliness, crowds of inconsiderate people.... I find it exhausting which makes it hard to actually feel revivied on any level except as a Christian. I do feel good about celebrating the birth of Christ.

Anyway, on to other things. I need to quit smoking. Really. I tried after Thanksgiving made it three days before caving. I tried it this week - New Years and all that good stuff, and by the third day I was unreasonable angry - not testy, bitchy, annoyed.... deeply angry. No particular reason either. So, I was heading out to do some errands anyway and I bought cigarettes. I smoked one and immediately called my mother to confess. God bless her. We talked. We talked and talked about the why's and wherefores of the anger. Where was it coming from, why was I even feeling it. After all, I get The Hubster back for a few weeks her shortly, I have found (I hope) a place for us to live in CA, the kids are fine - really doing well too, both of them!

So we sorted things out. I handle things pretty well.... no matter what the trouble I can always calm myself and sort things out - feelings, hurt, anger.... and I had to do a good bit of that in 2010. In the process I unintentionally subverted some pretty big feelings. It wasn't that I ignored them but I didn't let them take their natural course... I just didn't have the time so I dealt with the surface stuff. I thought I had handled everything... that I was good and this was all in the past. Well, that is what I get for thinking. And, Momma said "I hate to say this, but this isn't the time for you to quit. You have to sort everything out, deal with it fully and then quit."

So, I am smoking. Working hard to cut down as much as I can.... I really want to quit but that anger I felt the other day - wow - I would hate to see what wold happen if I let loose with it... kind of scary to think about.

I hate dealing with this kind of stuff.... all the probing and deep thinking I have to do here shortly is just aggravating. Some things I just don't want to think about I just want to forget them. Hm. Kind of hard when I want to smack people.

So, my New Year's resolution is to deal with my old stuff so I can relegate it to the furtherest reaches of my mind closet and move forward.

Oh goodie.

Chick is in the Nest

I have been staying with Mama for the last few weeks, several hundred miles from my house and TeenDream. It has been good but I worry so much that it has interfered with my sleep.

I know I shouldn't worry excessively - he is smart and careful. Well, as careful as a teen actually can be. And he has friends that will help him out of a jam, and adults he can call on..... still, I worry. I don't worry about him doing stupid things like drinking and driving or riding with someone who has been drinking... pretty sure Mom the ex-cop has pounded that into his head. It is just that amorphous general worry thing that parents are destined to do when their chicks are no longer living in the nest, rather they have built their own nests and are thriving. I really don't like it - the worry, not the fact that he is thriving.

I worry about SailorBoy too, but not as much - he is 24. I should probably worry more about SailorBoy and less about TeenDream but a mother's heart doesn't work like that. Whatever.

Anyway, TeenDream arrived last night. YAY. I kind of got pissed at Sis#2 - I didn't even get one whole minute alone in the yard with him before she was down there asking him questions (mom questions too) and walking in between us up the stairs. I guess I should count myself lucky I got to hug him without her hovering but I just wanted to smack her. Not very kind of me but there it is.

Whichever way things went, my boy is here, in the same house for several days. My "mom radar and worry gene" can take a break. I can rest easy knowing he is here, with me, and no matter what happens I can care for him.

Nice. Merry Christmas to me!

And Merry Christmas to you.

Catholic Voodoo?!?! Really!?!?

So, I am trying to sell a house in VA? Anybody buying? No. Anybody even looking? Nope. Kind of freaking out here. The house has been on the market for a month or so and no-one has even come in to look. It is a great house. 4 bedrooms, three full baths, big great room, nice kitchen... hot tub, fenced yard, work shed with electricity.... yeah, I'm selling. Can't you tell?

Anyway, when you are selling a house everyone has advice - even people who have never owned a house. Especially people who have never owned a house. They want to help you price it. They want to help you get it ready for viewing. They just want to help... a lot. It is kind of annoying. What do they know, anyway? Nothing. But you can't scream "Go Away!" if you want to remain their friend so you just nod, and smile, and say "Thanks. I'll think about it" when they suggest things like having an open house (expensive and not necessarily helpful) or having the yard landscaped (are you kidding me?). Whatever.

I was in Church with my Mama a few weeks ago and we ran in to an old family friend. As we talked it came out that I am selling my house.

"Did you get your Saint?" she asked. Mind you, we are Episcopalian so while we get the whole Saint thing, we don't pray for intercession like Catholics do and our focus is definitely more on Jesus and the whole Father, Son, Holy Ghost kind of worship.

"Um, what Saint?" I replied.

"Oh my goodness, I can't remember what Saint... darn it, and we just did it too. When we were selling our house?"

"I'm sorry. I have no idea what you are talking about." I replied. Actually, I thought she might be having a little fit or something and tried to spot her husband or one of her kids (yep - they are all near my age so the odds of finding them was pretty slim).

"Oh, you know. When you are selling your house you go buy this Saint and bury him upside down in the back yard facing the house and say a little prayer and your house sells. Ours did."

"Wow," I said. "I have never heard of that. Nope, not ever." Okay, now I knew there was something seriously wrong with her but was at a total loss of what to do.

"Well, you just go get you a Saint and bury him sweetie, your house will sell fast." And with that, she was off.

Mama and I just chuckled and sat down for the service.

Later that day I went visiting my Uncles - my Mama's best friend and my Dad's younger brother - to talk to each of them about a house I want to buy in CA. At my Unky Joe's house (yes, I call him Unky Joe and will until the last day) I brought up the Saint.

"Oh yeah" he said. "Go on down to the Nun's store on Beaufain St. and get you a kit. They sell 'em."

"Joe, we need to get one too, before we put the house on the market." said his wife. And the conversation ensued regarding the Saint, the proper way to bury him, and what the prayer might be.

Okay, this was starting to take some shape, weird shape, but shape nonetheless.

I hit the Nun's store on Saturday. Walked right on in and looked at the Nun behind the counter - these Nun's still wear the "uniform" and I like that. Anyway, I said "Sister, I am selling my house."

She smiled and said "St. Joseph statues are in the basket at the end of the shelf down there and prayer cards are on the wall right above it."

I asked for instructions... where to bury him and how, what all I need to do. At this point I had heard the story from so many people and gotten conflicting directions - upside down in the front yard, upside down in the back yard facing the house.... I just wanted to make sure all my Catholic t's were crossed and i's dotted, you know? She said, bless her heart, "Coming in and buying the statue was an of faith... you can just put him in the window and say the prayer daily and that will work."

$4.25 later and I have a statue of St. Joseph and the card and am on my way.

Now I am sitting in my house. I have St. Joseph currently on my desk. I have said the prayer. I have talked to various people about it and, during dinner with my Jewish friend, came up with a plan.

I said the prayer today, on the phone with a friend - B1. I intend to say the prayer every day - also with a friend - because as B1 said... "where two or more are gathered together...."

Tomorrow I will be burying St. Joseph, upside down, in the back yard, facing the house.

Catholic voodoo.... I will let you know how it all works out.

SO, now we continue....

I've been sick. Really sick with bronchitis. And I miss my husband. And I am trying to sell my house. And I am trying to get moved to CA. And, and, and.....

Finally starting to feel better from the sickness... still coughing up some of the nasty stuff but the lungs seem to be clearing up - it only took three rounds of antibiotics and two of steroids but at least we are finally making some progress. Now I just have to get down to the nitty gritty of moving - packing, copies of orders, appointments.... hotel reservations, driving directions, dog hotels.... coordinating dates when I don't actually have dates for The Hubster's arrival - that is kind of making me crazy.

See, I have no idea when he might fly off the current ship nor how long it will take to get from wherever he is at that time to CA. So, can't plan the dates of a hotel stay or my travel with any coordination. That means I don't know how long I get to have him with me. That sucks. I do know that we (or I, depending) should be able to get the new house unpacked and set up so that I can fly back and pick of the car and the dogs and Mama and head cross country. Yippee.

Then I get Mama for a few weeks before she flies back to SC and home. That will be nice. I like having her all to myself sometimes.

And I'll be able to jump into a new "ship family". That will be nice. I have truly missed that with this tour. I have non-Navy friends, and navy friends that have all given me good support but it isn't the same as having a ship family. They are in the same boat with you at the same time... it makes a difference. Getting a "I know how you feel" from someone whose husband will be home at the end of the day just doesn't carry as much impact, even though you know that they do know how you feel, they aren't feeling it with you right then. I miss that.

I miss knowing the spouses of the people The Hubster works with. I miss having a group of people to hang out with that are truly going through the same thing. Deployment is hard... I hope we never have to do another tour like this one.

I miss my life. That is it. I miss better contact with my sailor, I miss having an FRG and meetings and things planned to pass the time. I miss knowing who I can go to for what.... I know he will retire one day and we will settle somewhere - that will be good - different ties will bind us then. But for now... I really want my ship family.

Ready to go get started...