Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Holiday stress x100!!

I am preparing for Thanksgiving. It is pretty easy as I am sick as a dog (I WILL be better in time to cook the turkey) and so stressed out that nothing will really tip me over the edge. Family will be around - that is a combination joy and curse. I love them all but... one or two of them could avoid dinner and it really wouldn't break my heart.

Whatever. I am trying to think of all the things I am thankful to have in my life. I do love my family and, if they aren't all lovable then I just need to love harder. I am thankful for them, even the weird ones. They bring a certain..... something to the table.

I am thankful for my husband and the job he does. I don't have to like it to be thankful for it. It brings him joy, he is successful, and even though we are apart often I love him like crazy.

I am thankful for TeenDream. He is a fantastic person. I am sad that he doesn't live with us anymore and joyful that he is responsible enough to be on his own.

I am thankful for my friends... every single crazy one of them.

I am thankful for the wonderful women in my life - they are my sisters of the soul and daughters of the heart. WOuldn't trade a single one of them.

I am thankful for my realtors, in VA and in CA, who are working so tirelessly for me.

I am thankful for SailorBoy, who is currently making me extremely crazy.

I am thankful for my beasties, who cuddle extremely well and are very sweet, obnoxiously independent, and who bark at strange things. May they live long lives chasing cats and squirrels.

I am just thankful.

Now, if I can keep this mindset through the holiday weekend and avoid mayhem I will have truly accomplished something!

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I have finally found something more stressful than just moving from one place to another - trying to sell a house on one coast while buying a house on the other. PUtting in offers and waiting for counter offers, waiting for offers.... wow. Stress x 20. Plus flying back and forth, driving back and forth, thinking about when to pack up furniture and household goods, when can they be delivered, when am I going to drive cross-country with the dogs, when am I going to get to see my sweetie.... exhausting. Truly.

I am so excited about everything though. Seeing The Hubster obviously tops the list but moving to CA is a close second. I truly love it here. Yesterday it "rained". Well, according to everybody here it rained... it actually misted off and on all day then actually rained some in the evening. Maybe an inch in 8-9 hours. Not really rain but whatever. My theory is that if you can stand in it for 15 minutes and not be soaked then it isn't rain.

And they kept saying it was cold. Really?!? Not so much. I don't think the temp dropped below 65. COmbined with the "rain" there was a little chill but definitely not cold. Can't wait to move here.

I think the worst part is that I am doing this alone.... The Hubster is pretty far away and e-mail is the only communication right now. Sucks. Sucks the big one. I can ask him about the big decisions but with e-mail on the ship being intermittent and phone calls being "not so much" I am pretty much on my own. Big trust from The Hubster.


Oh well..... I'll do what I can do and rest whenever possible. That seems to be working for now.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Family - all kinds

i have been thinking quite a bit about family. I believe that we all have several: the family you are born to, the one you marry, and the one you choose. Now, you may think the one you marry and the one you choose are the same. Ha. you are wrong. Yes, you do get to choose your spouse, but you don't get to pick the family they were born to. You get stuck with whatever your spouse got. Sometimes that is good, sometimes not.

Anyway, I have an interesting family. We all have our own issues, but that is normal. I love my sisters. I know Sis#1 loves me. We aren't best friends but I know I can trust her, that she has my back, and if I ever were to need her she would be there. I hope she knows the same about me. I'm not so sure Sis#2 loves me. I'm not sure she loves anyone other than TeenDream. That's okay, I guess. Since I don't really have a choice on it it kind of has to be.

The Hubster was a great choice on my part. He rocks. He isn't perfect but we muddle through and I love him like crazy. His family... well, I love them, they are family. I like some more than others.

But real family - the ones that are family by choice... those beautiful people that love you just because. They give freely of their time, attention, humor.....

I am so lucky in this area. I have family all over the world. People I have met, grown to love, connected with.... I can call these people at any time and talk like we live next door to each other.

So, don't limit your views on family. Accept that you can find brothers and sisters of your heart, of your family, any where at any time. Know that they are out there.

Right now I am with my Sunny B in California. I am house hunting because The Hubster, via the Navy, is bringing me back here. I get to hang with my bestie. Her parents love me... I love them. I can go to them for advice and help. My Sunny is my bestie, my sister. Her daughter is so close to my heart.... her husband is my brother. Her brother-in-law... my brother. They are part of my family and even though completely across the country from my home town, moving here is a homecoming, where I have family and will be cared for.

Life and love are good.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

So Excited!!

Today I fly to San Diego to look for a new house. Sounds simple but it is actually very emotional and "entangled" for me.

First, I have never purchased a house on my own. I know what to ask, what to look at, how to build my offer.... but I have never done it on my own. The Hubster is trusting me in a huge way.

Second, the house has all sorts of symbolism.... I will have gone around 352 days without my husband when I finally get him back. I only get him for about three weeks before he has to fly off again, but I want those three weeks to be perfect. Whether or not we have a new home by then is not the big thing, the big thing is that when we are finally together in our new home in San Diego we will have gone through so much apart that I want things to be perfect... well, perfect for us. Which is totally different than perfect for others. The Hubster likes to have projects... he loves to build things and care for things. FInding a house that has projects is easy - finding a house that has the right projects is a little more difficult. We will be empty nester's - together. I will have done it on my own but he will not have experienced it yet. We will have grown emotionally - you can't be a part for this long and not grow. We won't be totally familiar with each other anymore. We will have both experienced things that are important, and we will have done it separately. I want our new home to be a place that encourages us to be together and grow together again.

Third, it has to be good for me. A place I can entertain, work, grow, cook, and write. A place of comfort, where I can comfort others.

The best thing about moving to San Diego is that my Sunny is there. I can see her pretty much whenever I want. We can drink champagne and be silly. We can have deep talks and give hugs without having to post it on each other's facebook walls or texting "{{hugs}}" to each other.

So I'm nervous. So nervous I can't even figure out what to wear on the plane. Kind of silly since I am getting there in the middle of the night. And I am excited. Sad.... leaving our friends in VA will be hard. We have been there 6 years.

Jeez, I am a watering pot this morning.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

It has been almost a month!

Sorry it has been so long. Things here are moving at a fantastic pace.... my house is on the market as of Monday evening at 5pm and I am currently at my Mama'a house. I leave for our new city on Tuesday to house hunt.... life is moving right along.

Only about 12 more weeks til I get to see The Hubster. I miss his face. I miss hearing his voice on a daily basis. I miss his silly jokes and goofy times together. Soon I will get him for about three weeks and then he will fly to join his new ship. Then I only have to wait for June and we will be together, in a home, for a bit. Of course, he will deploy again, but getting a little respite from separation will be nice.

Things like this make you wonder.... how we each have changed, how that will come together to work into our relationship, what kind of adjustments will we have to tweak for things to go smoothly. We have always meshed so well, complimenting each other's personality... will it be the same this time? Will it be easy for us or more difficult. This unaccompanied tour has been a strain on both of us. I haven't been able to "take care" of him, I haven't felt as safe and secure as I normally do, and we are now empty nesters. Big changes. I have made some and so has he. He has outgrown his uniforms because he is working out once or twice a day every day. Looks like I will be setting up a home gym for him. He has been in "work mode" for 24 hours a day almost every day. It might be hard to get him to relax, unwind, feel "normal". He won't have driven a car for about a year. He won't have gone out to dinner at a nice restaurant, or hung out with friends who are separate from work. He definitely will not have slept past 6 am, even on days off. He will have gone to work every day... 7 days a week, in uniform.

I think it will happen smoothly. I hope it will happen joyfully. I know it will happen lovingly. I just can't wait to see his face!