Thursday, December 23, 2010

Chick is in the Nest

I have been staying with Mama for the last few weeks, several hundred miles from my house and TeenDream. It has been good but I worry so much that it has interfered with my sleep.

I know I shouldn't worry excessively - he is smart and careful. Well, as careful as a teen actually can be. And he has friends that will help him out of a jam, and adults he can call on..... still, I worry. I don't worry about him doing stupid things like drinking and driving or riding with someone who has been drinking... pretty sure Mom the ex-cop has pounded that into his head. It is just that amorphous general worry thing that parents are destined to do when their chicks are no longer living in the nest, rather they have built their own nests and are thriving. I really don't like it - the worry, not the fact that he is thriving.

I worry about SailorBoy too, but not as much - he is 24. I should probably worry more about SailorBoy and less about TeenDream but a mother's heart doesn't work like that. Whatever.

Anyway, TeenDream arrived last night. YAY. I kind of got pissed at Sis#2 - I didn't even get one whole minute alone in the yard with him before she was down there asking him questions (mom questions too) and walking in between us up the stairs. I guess I should count myself lucky I got to hug him without her hovering but I just wanted to smack her. Not very kind of me but there it is.

Whichever way things went, my boy is here, in the same house for several days. My "mom radar and worry gene" can take a break. I can rest easy knowing he is here, with me, and no matter what happens I can care for him.

Nice. Merry Christmas to me!

And Merry Christmas to you.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Catholic Voodoo?!?! Really!?!?

So, I am trying to sell a house in VA? Anybody buying? No. Anybody even looking? Nope. Kind of freaking out here. The house has been on the market for a month or so and no-one has even come in to look. It is a great house. 4 bedrooms, three full baths, big great room, nice kitchen... hot tub, fenced yard, work shed with electricity.... yeah, I'm selling. Can't you tell?

Anyway, when you are selling a house everyone has advice - even people who have never owned a house. Especially people who have never owned a house. They want to help you price it. They want to help you get it ready for viewing. They just want to help... a lot. It is kind of annoying. What do they know, anyway? Nothing. But you can't scream "Go Away!" if you want to remain their friend so you just nod, and smile, and say "Thanks. I'll think about it" when they suggest things like having an open house (expensive and not necessarily helpful) or having the yard landscaped (are you kidding me?). Whatever.

I was in Church with my Mama a few weeks ago and we ran in to an old family friend. As we talked it came out that I am selling my house.

"Did you get your Saint?" she asked. Mind you, we are Episcopalian so while we get the whole Saint thing, we don't pray for intercession like Catholics do and our focus is definitely more on Jesus and the whole Father, Son, Holy Ghost kind of worship.

"Um, what Saint?" I replied.

"Oh my goodness, I can't remember what Saint... darn it, and we just did it too. When we were selling our house?"

"I'm sorry. I have no idea what you are talking about." I replied. Actually, I thought she might be having a little fit or something and tried to spot her husband or one of her kids (yep - they are all near my age so the odds of finding them was pretty slim).

"Oh, you know. When you are selling your house you go buy this Saint and bury him upside down in the back yard facing the house and say a little prayer and your house sells. Ours did."

"Wow," I said. "I have never heard of that. Nope, not ever." Okay, now I knew there was something seriously wrong with her but was at a total loss of what to do.

"Well, you just go get you a Saint and bury him sweetie, your house will sell fast." And with that, she was off.

Mama and I just chuckled and sat down for the service.

Later that day I went visiting my Uncles - my Mama's best friend and my Dad's younger brother - to talk to each of them about a house I want to buy in CA. At my Unky Joe's house (yes, I call him Unky Joe and will until the last day) I brought up the Saint.

"Oh yeah" he said. "Go on down to the Nun's store on Beaufain St. and get you a kit. They sell 'em."

"Joe, we need to get one too, before we put the house on the market." said his wife. And the conversation ensued regarding the Saint, the proper way to bury him, and what the prayer might be.

Okay, this was starting to take some shape, weird shape, but shape nonetheless.

I hit the Nun's store on Saturday. Walked right on in and looked at the Nun behind the counter - these Nun's still wear the "uniform" and I like that. Anyway, I said "Sister, I am selling my house."

She smiled and said "St. Joseph statues are in the basket at the end of the shelf down there and prayer cards are on the wall right above it."

I asked for instructions... where to bury him and how, what all I need to do. At this point I had heard the story from so many people and gotten conflicting directions - upside down in the front yard, upside down in the back yard facing the house.... I just wanted to make sure all my Catholic t's were crossed and i's dotted, you know? She said, bless her heart, "Coming in and buying the statue was an of faith... you can just put him in the window and say the prayer daily and that will work."

$4.25 later and I have a statue of St. Joseph and the card and am on my way.

Now I am sitting in my house. I have St. Joseph currently on my desk. I have said the prayer. I have talked to various people about it and, during dinner with my Jewish friend, came up with a plan.

I said the prayer today, on the phone with a friend - B1. I intend to say the prayer every day - also with a friend - because as B1 said... "where two or more are gathered together...."

Tomorrow I will be burying St. Joseph, upside down, in the back yard, facing the house.

Catholic voodoo.... I will let you know how it all works out.

SO, now we continue....

I've been sick. Really sick with bronchitis. And I miss my husband. And I am trying to sell my house. And I am trying to get moved to CA. And, and, and.....

Finally starting to feel better from the sickness... still coughing up some of the nasty stuff but the lungs seem to be clearing up - it only took three rounds of antibiotics and two of steroids but at least we are finally making some progress. Now I just have to get down to the nitty gritty of moving - packing, copies of orders, appointments.... hotel reservations, driving directions, dog hotels.... coordinating dates when I don't actually have dates for The Hubster's arrival - that is kind of making me crazy.

See, I have no idea when he might fly off the current ship nor how long it will take to get from wherever he is at that time to CA. So, can't plan the dates of a hotel stay or my travel with any coordination. That means I don't know how long I get to have him with me. That sucks. I do know that we (or I, depending) should be able to get the new house unpacked and set up so that I can fly back and pick of the car and the dogs and Mama and head cross country. Yippee.

Then I get Mama for a few weeks before she flies back to SC and home. That will be nice. I like having her all to myself sometimes.

And I'll be able to jump into a new "ship family". That will be nice. I have truly missed that with this tour. I have non-Navy friends, and navy friends that have all given me good support but it isn't the same as having a ship family. They are in the same boat with you at the same time... it makes a difference. Getting a "I know how you feel" from someone whose husband will be home at the end of the day just doesn't carry as much impact, even though you know that they do know how you feel, they aren't feeling it with you right then. I miss that.

I miss knowing the spouses of the people The Hubster works with. I miss having a group of people to hang out with that are truly going through the same thing. Deployment is hard... I hope we never have to do another tour like this one.

I miss my life. That is it. I miss better contact with my sailor, I miss having an FRG and meetings and things planned to pass the time. I miss knowing who I can go to for what.... I know he will retire one day and we will settle somewhere - that will be good - different ties will bind us then. But for now... I really want my ship family.

Ready to go get started...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Holiday stress x100!!

I am preparing for Thanksgiving. It is pretty easy as I am sick as a dog (I WILL be better in time to cook the turkey) and so stressed out that nothing will really tip me over the edge. Family will be around - that is a combination joy and curse. I love them all but... one or two of them could avoid dinner and it really wouldn't break my heart.

Whatever. I am trying to think of all the things I am thankful to have in my life. I do love my family and, if they aren't all lovable then I just need to love harder. I am thankful for them, even the weird ones. They bring a certain..... something to the table.

I am thankful for my husband and the job he does. I don't have to like it to be thankful for it. It brings him joy, he is successful, and even though we are apart often I love him like crazy.

I am thankful for TeenDream. He is a fantastic person. I am sad that he doesn't live with us anymore and joyful that he is responsible enough to be on his own.

I am thankful for my friends... every single crazy one of them.

I am thankful for the wonderful women in my life - they are my sisters of the soul and daughters of the heart. WOuldn't trade a single one of them.

I am thankful for my realtors, in VA and in CA, who are working so tirelessly for me.

I am thankful for SailorBoy, who is currently making me extremely crazy.

I am thankful for my beasties, who cuddle extremely well and are very sweet, obnoxiously independent, and who bark at strange things. May they live long lives chasing cats and squirrels.

I am just thankful.

Now, if I can keep this mindset through the holiday weekend and avoid mayhem I will have truly accomplished something!

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I have finally found something more stressful than just moving from one place to another - trying to sell a house on one coast while buying a house on the other. PUtting in offers and waiting for counter offers, waiting for offers.... wow. Stress x 20. Plus flying back and forth, driving back and forth, thinking about when to pack up furniture and household goods, when can they be delivered, when am I going to drive cross-country with the dogs, when am I going to get to see my sweetie.... exhausting. Truly.

I am so excited about everything though. Seeing The Hubster obviously tops the list but moving to CA is a close second. I truly love it here. Yesterday it "rained". Well, according to everybody here it rained... it actually misted off and on all day then actually rained some in the evening. Maybe an inch in 8-9 hours. Not really rain but whatever. My theory is that if you can stand in it for 15 minutes and not be soaked then it isn't rain.

And they kept saying it was cold. Really?!? Not so much. I don't think the temp dropped below 65. COmbined with the "rain" there was a little chill but definitely not cold. Can't wait to move here.

I think the worst part is that I am doing this alone.... The Hubster is pretty far away and e-mail is the only communication right now. Sucks. Sucks the big one. I can ask him about the big decisions but with e-mail on the ship being intermittent and phone calls being "not so much" I am pretty much on my own. Big trust from The Hubster.


Oh well..... I'll do what I can do and rest whenever possible. That seems to be working for now.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Family - all kinds

i have been thinking quite a bit about family. I believe that we all have several: the family you are born to, the one you marry, and the one you choose. Now, you may think the one you marry and the one you choose are the same. Ha. you are wrong. Yes, you do get to choose your spouse, but you don't get to pick the family they were born to. You get stuck with whatever your spouse got. Sometimes that is good, sometimes not.

Anyway, I have an interesting family. We all have our own issues, but that is normal. I love my sisters. I know Sis#1 loves me. We aren't best friends but I know I can trust her, that she has my back, and if I ever were to need her she would be there. I hope she knows the same about me. I'm not so sure Sis#2 loves me. I'm not sure she loves anyone other than TeenDream. That's okay, I guess. Since I don't really have a choice on it it kind of has to be.

The Hubster was a great choice on my part. He rocks. He isn't perfect but we muddle through and I love him like crazy. His family... well, I love them, they are family. I like some more than others.

But real family - the ones that are family by choice... those beautiful people that love you just because. They give freely of their time, attention, humor.....

I am so lucky in this area. I have family all over the world. People I have met, grown to love, connected with.... I can call these people at any time and talk like we live next door to each other.

So, don't limit your views on family. Accept that you can find brothers and sisters of your heart, of your family, any where at any time. Know that they are out there.

Right now I am with my Sunny B in California. I am house hunting because The Hubster, via the Navy, is bringing me back here. I get to hang with my bestie. Her parents love me... I love them. I can go to them for advice and help. My Sunny is my bestie, my sister. Her daughter is so close to my heart.... her husband is my brother. Her brother-in-law... my brother. They are part of my family and even though completely across the country from my home town, moving here is a homecoming, where I have family and will be cared for.

Life and love are good.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

So Excited!!

Today I fly to San Diego to look for a new house. Sounds simple but it is actually very emotional and "entangled" for me.

First, I have never purchased a house on my own. I know what to ask, what to look at, how to build my offer.... but I have never done it on my own. The Hubster is trusting me in a huge way.

Second, the house has all sorts of symbolism.... I will have gone around 352 days without my husband when I finally get him back. I only get him for about three weeks before he has to fly off again, but I want those three weeks to be perfect. Whether or not we have a new home by then is not the big thing, the big thing is that when we are finally together in our new home in San Diego we will have gone through so much apart that I want things to be perfect... well, perfect for us. Which is totally different than perfect for others. The Hubster likes to have projects... he loves to build things and care for things. FInding a house that has projects is easy - finding a house that has the right projects is a little more difficult. We will be empty nester's - together. I will have done it on my own but he will not have experienced it yet. We will have grown emotionally - you can't be a part for this long and not grow. We won't be totally familiar with each other anymore. We will have both experienced things that are important, and we will have done it separately. I want our new home to be a place that encourages us to be together and grow together again.

Third, it has to be good for me. A place I can entertain, work, grow, cook, and write. A place of comfort, where I can comfort others.

The best thing about moving to San Diego is that my Sunny is there. I can see her pretty much whenever I want. We can drink champagne and be silly. We can have deep talks and give hugs without having to post it on each other's facebook walls or texting "{{hugs}}" to each other.

So I'm nervous. So nervous I can't even figure out what to wear on the plane. Kind of silly since I am getting there in the middle of the night. And I am excited. Sad.... leaving our friends in VA will be hard. We have been there 6 years.

Jeez, I am a watering pot this morning.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

It has been almost a month!

Sorry it has been so long. Things here are moving at a fantastic pace.... my house is on the market as of Monday evening at 5pm and I am currently at my Mama'a house. I leave for our new city on Tuesday to house hunt.... life is moving right along.

Only about 12 more weeks til I get to see The Hubster. I miss his face. I miss hearing his voice on a daily basis. I miss his silly jokes and goofy times together. Soon I will get him for about three weeks and then he will fly to join his new ship. Then I only have to wait for June and we will be together, in a home, for a bit. Of course, he will deploy again, but getting a little respite from separation will be nice.

Things like this make you wonder.... how we each have changed, how that will come together to work into our relationship, what kind of adjustments will we have to tweak for things to go smoothly. We have always meshed so well, complimenting each other's personality... will it be the same this time? Will it be easy for us or more difficult. This unaccompanied tour has been a strain on both of us. I haven't been able to "take care" of him, I haven't felt as safe and secure as I normally do, and we are now empty nesters. Big changes. I have made some and so has he. He has outgrown his uniforms because he is working out once or twice a day every day. Looks like I will be setting up a home gym for him. He has been in "work mode" for 24 hours a day almost every day. It might be hard to get him to relax, unwind, feel "normal". He won't have driven a car for about a year. He won't have gone out to dinner at a nice restaurant, or hung out with friends who are separate from work. He definitely will not have slept past 6 am, even on days off. He will have gone to work every day... 7 days a week, in uniform.

I think it will happen smoothly. I hope it will happen joyfully. I know it will happen lovingly. I just can't wait to see his face!

Monday, October 18, 2010

wow - I got nothing but serious!

I talked to a friend today - she almost died this weekend... almost died because someone spiked her drink with what was probably a very large dose of GHB. What the heck!

She was out for drinks, with her husband, at a popular night spot. No sooner did her husband go to the bathroom and she ordered a glass of wine..... let's just say that by the time he came out of the bathroom she was on the ground passed out and vomiting. She definitely could have died.

This is the kind of thing that is scary. Just plain old frightening. This is why I can watch a scary movie without batting an eyelash - what happens in the "real" world is so much worse. So, so much worse.

I had to stop and ponder. I had to think of this person maybe not existing anymore except in our memories. This young, vital woman who loves to help others, has a dog and a husband that she loves more than life itself, has a life and friends and people she is important to.... she could have died. All because some idiot wanted sex.

I like sex, don't get me wrong, but in the big scheme of things I can definitely go without..... particularly if it meant risking someone's life.

What kind of person does that? Drugs a drink to get someone so blotto that they can't consent or say no? Is that really sex? I always thought sex took two, unless one was flying solo.... does sex like this even count?

This so saddens me, angers me, makes me rail against the system that makes it so hard to track down predators like this....
quite frankly, it makes me sick.

I don't know what we can do to make this different but I am pondering it.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Taxes - Yuck!!!

Yes, this is political.... I don't like taxes. I don't like to pay them. I don't like to do the paperwork.... all in all they are an onerous task. This coming year they will be even worse.

The tax credits we have enjoyed for the last decade are expired. Congress hasn't extended them - maybe because we are, as a country, trillion of dollars in debt. Whatever. Getting them extended has become a battle of political parties. One party wants to extend them for a few, another wants to extend them for all.

I'm not one of the rich. Not even close. But why not extend them for everyone? The rich already pay more in taxes than the rest of us... why should they be further penalized?

There is a website (I need to find it again) that figures your tax liability with and without the tax credits being extended. The liability that I (we) will assume is between $8,000 and $12,000.... that means that my taxable income increases by that much. Are you kidding me?!?! Really?!?!

We don't make that much money. We really don't. I said a little prayers of thanks that I was gainfully unemployed this year - otherwise my WHOLE SALARY would be piled on that tax liability. Bad enough that when I did work our refund was $0.00.... would hate to see what we would owe if the credits were not extended.

You can look up what any military member makes.... until you are an O-6 (Captain) there really isn't enough money to pay a $3,500 tax bill - which is right around what we will be looking at. Gross.

So.... I am unhappily itemizing every item I am preparing to donate to the Goodwill or Disabled American Vets.... giving fair market value and depreciating cost.... Of course, I do have to say that this beats the beans out of a yard sale but that isn't the point.

If we keep going on this way, as a country, not only will our government be broke, we will have no middle class.

Just my thoughts....

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Big sigh of relief....

So, I had skin cancer. Note the had. I was pretty sure it was a "bad spot" when I first went to the doctor....

There was some stress in finally getting to a dermatologist and then there was the wait... who really wants to wait for results? When they came it wasn't much of a shock - but the way they came was.

I got a piece of paper in the mail on a Friday that said I had cancer. It didn't say what kind. It didn't say anything accept to keep my follow up in two weeks. No phone call. No further explanation... just "you have cancer".

So, I dropped by my doc's office on Monday, with the little piece of paper in hand. The whole office was pretty freaked out about the manner in which the results were delivered. Really?!? No call, just a piece of paper in the mail? Yep. It still kind of freaks me out.

I got sent to an oncologist. Two weeks later I had a huge chunk of skin and the "bad spot" removed.

All in all the good outweighed the bad Yes, it was cancer - bad. It was basal cell carcinoma - not really good but they usually don't come back. They got it all on the first swipe - good.

Now we are two weeks outs from the procedure - I have no stitches as of yesterday, but I am stuck together with three thick pieces of steri-tape and still have to move carefully.

I feel weird. I had cancer. Granted I didn't have to have any other therapies outside of a minor surgical procedure but still - cancer?

I feel changes coming - I am old, well, kind of. I have had a skin cancer "scare". I have fibro. I take blood pressure meds. I am often achy - probably from the fibro but I have arthritis in my back, hands, and feet. I buy wrinkle repair cream. I now often think that certain clothes and styles are "too young" for me.

OMG - I am middle aged. I don't think I like this.

I must go, and ponder this. I am hoping it is just an "empty nest" thing and I'll get over it.

Friday, October 8, 2010

It is what it is...

Today is Friday. I am not enthused by this day. I got up, had tea, emailed The Hubster (miss him so stinking much), and went to pickup trash out of my yard because MowerBoy (TeenDream's roommate) was coming to take care of the lawn. Now, for most people, there is no trash in their yard... maybe some leaves twigs, but not trash. For me.... trash. Soda cans and bottles, cardboard pizza holders from the 7/11, paper cups, straws, cigarette butts and packs, napkins, plastic, McDonald's bags..... today I actually found a spoon - a real one, not a plastic one, and cardboard from the inside of a roll of paper towels.

Yep - looked like I was doing community service as I walked around with my grabber and plastic bags filled with general crap and the detritus of people that just don't care.

It irritates me that people litter. It really irritates me that they toss it in my yard.

My dogs bark at these people, Beastie #1 and #2 don't like them any more than I do. You may say I don't know them but I do. I know that they do not care about the city, the planet, nor do they have any respect for other people's property. They are not nice people.

So, when my dogs bark these same people bang on my fence, yell, bark back at my dogs, and throw things over the fence into the yard... aiming for my little dogs. One time a young boy actually picked up a fairly large fallen branch, climbed up the fence and aimed it at my dogs. He was kind of surprised when I caught up with him (after tearing through my house and around the side) and yelled at him. His little friends laughed til I yelled at them too. Then they all got snotty. It came to a head when one of their parent's drove up and asked what was going on. These children were so convinced that they had the "right" to be hateful that they actually crossed there arms and had "you're gonna get it now" looks on their face - and it was directed at me. Much to their surprise they were in for it.... that Dad wasn't happy. They got a little butt chewing and sent home to wait until he got back... btw, he also stated he was calling EVERYONE'S parents.

That would have been perfect if they were the only offenders. They aren't. It is every where in the city in which I live - hard to escape even if you move to the country.

I am ready to leave. That is how I feel about it. In the mood I'm in today, it can't happen fast enough.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

It Has Been A While....

So, I haven't written for quite a while. I still have "The Block" when it comes to the new book. Very frustrating...... and I have been caught up in some personal things lately, also very frustrating. I need to put everything behind me, look forward, and move ahead....

TeenDream is moved out, mostly. He is loving apartment life, loving his roommates, enjoying his freedom, and still coming home occasionally to eat and do laundry. Pretty much what I expected. He and I are going through all the remaining crap he has left in the house and then he will do a final clean and be officially gone. I am so happy to see him moving forward. I am so sad that my baby is gone. Mama is here for a visit now and when she goes back home in a few days I will be alone.

No biggie - I have lived alone before. It isn't my favorite thing but I am pretty sure I can fill my time. I will finally be getting my little etsy store up and running getting back to crafting and writing full time, I can hang out with friends now - much more time, and get back to my yoga and exercise program.... and get the house sold!! That is actually my number one priority - selling the house.

It looks like we will be moving to San Diego - I am excited about that. We have friends there and we loved it there the last time. Still waiting on orders in hand though - wish the Navy would hurry upon that. In the interest of moving I have been looking at houses and joined nice site for checking out listings and free to join. I have found a few that I like and saved them and get updates when anything changes - new photos, price reduced, details added - which makes things much easier to follow and keep up with. My plan is to fly out there once there is a contract on my home and check out what is available. My Sunny B, bestie extraordinaire is out there - so happy about that - so there will be no hotel bill... there might be bail needed (jk).

The interesting thing about the site is that it gives you everything.... the assessment on the house and land is one of the first things I check. (The actual first thing is how far it is from Sunny's house.) With the housing market the way it is you would think that people would price their homes appropriately. For example, we don't intend to ask for our assessment - it is too high. We will ask for a fair price and have some room to negotiate. Well, the people out in El Cajon CA are loopy - some of them are asking as much as $100,000 over assessment and I get reports from the website daily that someone has raised the price. Really?!?! Are they living in the real world or smoking crack?

i realize that many people are upside down in the mortgages.... but to buy a house for $100,000 over assessment would start you out upside down. Who's going to do that? Not me, that's for sure. And raising the price on a house that has already been on the market for 10 months... probably not the way to go.

I have sent some of the house links to my friends... B1, in WA cold only say "What is with the people down there? Those colors are awful!" She is right - for some of the houses I would have to paint the whole inside before I could live there.... the colors are pretty gruesome. On those I would probably ask for a painting allowance from the seller.

All in all, looking at all those horrible pics has really helped me get my house in order for selling. Less is more. Room is important. Brighter rooms are happier rooms......

Anyway - this is just babble to get me back in the groove.... thanks.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Storm Sense

I live on the East Coast - and I always live on some coast - The Hubster is in the Navy - it kind of makes sense. Anyway, we are currently waiting to see exactly what Hurricane Earl will do. I am not terribly concerned... i grew up in Hurricane Alley (Charleston SC) and have been prepping for storms for my whole life. So has TeenDream. You just make sure you have bottled water, batteries, non-perishable food, and toilet paper. then there are a few extras that a wise woman makes sure she has on hand: baby wipes (for bathing if the water goes), more TP than you can shake a stick at (just because you REALLY don't want to get caught short), and brownies - the brownies should be self-explanatory.

Before a storm there are certain things you should always do:

Spray for bugs.... use a good indoor outdoor spray - trust me on this. Storms are aphrodisiacs for bugs... I call it the "Oh my God we are going to die let's do it" phase. They do it, goto ground for the storm, give birth and die. Two or three days after the storm you are overrun with a million little bigs... Nasty.

Do all your laundry. You don't know if you will lose power and water - it is better to lose those two things AFTER your clothes are clean. Take if from someone who washed he clothes in a garbage can after a typhoon..... do your laundry.

Wash your dishes - same thing as with your clothes.

Put clean sheets on the bed - even if it isn't clean sheet day. You will love yourself for it

Bake those brownies, cookies, whatever.

Make sure you have plenty of propane or charcoal for your grill. If you lose power you can cook the perishable food in your freezer - don't tell me you can't cook a turkey or ham on a grill, or muffins. biscuits, and pizza. you can do it - I have - but only if you have what you need to run the grill.

Charge everything!! Phones, hand held games, dvd players, iPods, laptops - whatever. Particularly if you have kids.... that should be self explanatory.

DON'T freak out. There isn't anything you can do about the weather. You can evacuate - and some people have to - but other than that just work on being calm. If you freak out then anyone you are with may do so as well. The only ting worse than an adult freaking out is two adults freaking out.

Become familiar with the terms "Cone of Uncertainty" and the 1-2-3 Rule. They are basically the same thing. They show you the potential range for the storm.

Remember that in the past few years weather has become "sexy". Really?!?! Yep. Jim Cantori and the rest of the Weather Channel peeps are really working on making weather sexy and dramatic. Well, weather is dramatic enough, thank you very much. Watching somebody stand outside in the middle of a storm has become part of our lives these days.... And Weather guys and gals are turned on by their jobs - they want you to like it too . They want you to see that their job is vital, sexy, and dangerous. I'll go with the vital. I'll even go a little bit with the sexy. Dangerous?!?! Only if you go out in it - and they do. Take what they say with a grain of salt..... just remember to be prepared.

Anyway - 125 mph winds don't scare me after doing the typhoon thing in Guam. Our wind gauges (on the AFB there) broke at 185 and that was BEFORE the eye wall got there.....

So, come on over Earl. We are ready. See you when you get here....

Friday, August 27, 2010

Tiaras Are Important

I have a tiara collection. This started several years ago when my mother gave me the book - The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love. I loved it. I laid on the sofa in my chef pants and toe socks and read it in one sitting. I immediately saw the need to have my very own tiara. I carried myself to Wal-Mart and bought the fanciest Barbie tiara there was. It was the first of several to grace my head. I have a purple fuzzy one that is also a favorite. I used to wear these around the house, laughing at myself as I vacuumed or mopped. A tiara, i have fond, is a very empowering object when worn with the right attitude.

Life got in the way during the last few years.... the tiaras were relegated to closets, drawers and under the bathroom sink. Seeing it now it is all very sad, this tiara decline. Maybe I have lost my sense of fun somewhere in the parenting/wifing/daughtering I have been doing... not to mention all the volunteer things I added to my plate.

So, this morning, while cleaning (and I mean thoroughly cleaning) under my bathroom sink I found a tiara or two - the original Barbie Tiara and the Tiara of Purple Feathers and Fuzz... both fantastic! I put on the Barbie Tiara - it has "jewels" - and proceeded to continue on task with a light heart and a happy face. Some serious power to get a happy face when cleaning - that is a guarantee!

So, the beasties watched me with some concern, sniffed The Tiara, and sat back, reserving judgment.

I continued to clean and toss things our with a lightness that surprised me.

As I hauled stuff to the trash and recycle bins neighbors who were driving by honked and waved... I, naturally, waved back. i noticed some people were laughing and just put it down to everyone is having a great Friday. Right up until I walked back into the house. The Beasties were giving me that "What the heck have you been doing outside without us look" with the added "and in that get up too". GB actually looked embarrassed to know me. SO I, not knowing how to interpret that look immediately, decided to take them out in the back.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the mantel... hmmm, yep - still had on The Tiara. I smiled a little, then I smiled a lot!! Fantastic. I don't care who sees it. I don't care who knows that I occasionally run around in a tiara. Maybe if people see that they won't be scared to get their own... and they better 'cause I'm not sharing!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

In Memory of Brian Mouring

Last week one of my son's school mates died. He was swimming in NC and was hit by a wave. They searched for two days before finding his body. He was 20.

I haven't known this man as long as some, nor as well as some, but his faith, and that of his family... their closeness and true friendship.... has helped guide us all.

I have many Brian stories... all of us do... but the one that stands out the most follows. TeenDream was a sophomore, Brian was a junior and they were on the soccer team. Mama had come up for a game and we were loaded in her minivan. I had several boys and Brian was among them. One of the boys said "let's pray". Brian, who was seated in the rear intoned "tattoos are of the devil" and all the boys giggled. TeenDream said "Dude, my mom has a tattoo." Brian, never one to miss a beat, then intoned "Body piercing are of the devil". TeenDream said, as all the rest giggled, "Oh Dude, my mom has a tattoo." There was dead silence for a second or two, then from Brian we heard "Mrs. Witte is of the devil."

None of the boys breathed, waiting for my response. Mama and I burst out laughing... after all, it was a natural progression. The boys joined in and later Brian approached and said, "No offense." and I laughed and replied that he would have been a fool not to take the opportunity.

i will always remember that day. They were young, happy, and full of life. Untouched by death.

Brian Mouring will be missed.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

How a Fibro Flare Starts....

Stress... that is the answer. Too much stress all at once, combine it with inability to sleep through, and you have the makings of a flare.

I have one starting.

There is a large fiery pain located under my left shoulder blade... on most people this is bilateral. For me, it is usually one side or the other. I have nerve damage in my neck and right shoulder that inhibits some pain sometimes. It is weird.

I can't sleep through the night - not even with medical assistance.

I have a headache that won't go away.

Muscle relaxers will just increase the pain in my hips - the one that runs down my legs.

Vicodin will just make me not care that I hurt. That is good in one way but bad in that I am worried about doing anything when I take it because I might hurt myself worse.

So, right now it hurts to move my left arm in any way. I have my elbow pinned to my side as I type this. I drove to Popeye's for TeenDream's lunch (he is weeding my flower bed) and I won't be driving again for a day or two, or three.

I am going back to bed. This will give me more stress as I have so much to do. It is a cycle..... one I don't like.

Fibro, it sucks.

A Little Whine with His Cheese

I love The Hubster. He is a really neat guy. Really. But he is half way around the world and has a cold. He is whining. He is half way around the world and tell me that he is a snot factory. He has a headache. He is sneezing a lot. His eyes are watery. Okay.

He has a Z-pack. He has Sudafed. He has a COLD. A cold.

I love him. He is whiny. It really is funny because he is a big guy - strong, stubborn, intelligent. I know why he is whining. He is getting up every day and acting like he isn't sick. He is doing everything exactly the same and has just added in taking the pills. No extra rest. No vitamins. No nothing. Just the pills.

And, I'm not there to take care of him..... hand him vitamins and juice, bring him supper in bed, run him a warm bath, rub his face and head and neck....

Of course, he won't admit that. He won't admit that he likes being babied every now and again. He grumbles about it when he is home and I do it but I know he secretly loves the way I care for him when he doesn't feel well.

So I am getting "I am a snot factory and I hate the world" e-mails. And I'm sending back "Oh baby, I hate it for you... are you getting enough rest? Are you drinking plenty of juice? I hope you feel better soon". What else am I supposed to do?

I hope this cold is over with soon.... i am running out of cheese....

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I dreamed last night instead of having nightmares... it was a nice change. Unfortunately, I dreamed about my closet. Really?!?! I couldn't have dreamed something cool like flying? or being with The Hubster on a tropical beach? or receiving an Academy Award? Aren't dreams supposed to be about the extraordinary instead of the mundane?

To be honest it kind of sucked. No, scratch that. It really sucked. My closet.... I would have hoped that if I was going to have a dream abut my closet that maybe, just maybe, it would be cleaned, organized and full of spectacular clothes that were hung or folded according to color and style. Nope. It looked like it always does. No designer dresses. No fantastically great clothes, just my regular stuff. The shoes were good, but they are good in real life too so that wasn't a change. The clothes weren't even in smaller sizes... I can't even get skinny in my dreams. See, it sucked. Not a nightmare but whatever.

Don't get me wrong, I love my closet (it is a big walk-in that is full of clothes) and I am blessed with a husband that doesn't complain (too much) when I add to my wardrobe. But it is a closet - not fantastic enough for a dream. Not full of fantastic clothes just full of my jeans and shirts and skirts.

The one thing that this dream did bring me is the understanding that I really need a trip to the lingerie store.

Oh, I guess it was a good dream.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sleeping Alone....

Okay, first off, the title is all wrong. With the beasties in the bed I am never alone. It should probably be "Sleeping When The Hubster is Gone" or "Battling the Beasties" but "Sleeping Alone" is what flowed from the fingers so that's what we get. handle it.

First, when The Hubster is here sleeping is not a problem. I get situated first, then The Hubster and the beasties battle for position. It really is kind of funny. I sleep on my side. BB cuddles up in my belly area and puts either his head or his butt under my chin. If it is his butt I turn him around. GB like to sleep behind my knees but The Hubster likes to curl up behind me so this is when a fight usually ensues.

The Hubster makes me hold her while he gets comfy and then we let her go. At this point she is very grumpy and gives us her mean puppy glare.... it isn't effective but it seems to make her feel better. Then she climbs up on top of us. It becomes interesting when she starts wiggling and rolling back and forth and sliding deeper and deeper in between us. The Hubster and I both kid of giggle to see what she does next. Once she has wormed her way in between us she starts to turn and push us apart.

Now, one of two things happens.... either The Hubster rolls over and I roll with him, snuggling up to his back (which the dogs do not seem to mind) or we just shift apart (which the dogs prefer). I usually snuggle up behind The Hubster, unless it is late spring, summer, or early fall and then he just puts out too much heat to snuggle hard. When we don't cuddle GB is VERY happy because she starts out next to me and then oozes across the bed to cuddle with "daddy". BB stays with me.

Now, when The Hubster is gone it is a whole different story. Both Beasties are very demanding. BB likes to sleep under the pillows - really?!? - so I have to make him move to his regular spot under my chin and GB thinks she owns the whole bed. Truly - she will sprawl her little body out to take up the most room in the most inconvenient place. They will growl at each other and grump to themselves when I make them stop. Once I settle for the night, if I move they give me dirty looks. If I roll over BB will heave a HUGE sigh and kind of slide/ooze over me until he is back tucked under my chin. GB just tries to stay very still when I start to move, then she makes herself heavy as if that will stop me from rolling over. It is an adventure.

Then there are the teens... who come into my room at any time to see how I am. They will just climb up in the bed to chat. I don't discourage this as I think it is important that they know they can bring their "stuff" to me at any time. Sometimes, if there are girl teens in the house for the evening I will end up with one sleeping in the bed with me. This I don't mind either but it is a weird surprise in the morning.

So, I never sleep alone. Never. I always have company, whether human or beastie. As bothersome as it sometimes is I kind of like it. Actually, I have tried to remember the last time I did sleep alone - I think it was 2002. Sigh... I don't even remember what that is like and I'm not too sure I would like it n ow that I am used to all the company.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Butt Drama

When I as in Nursing School, a million years ago, I as known as the Butt Queen.... not a name I enjoyed but, considering the issues my patients had it was appropriate. Add in the fact that I'm Southern and it is appropriate. See, we Southern women, once we become Mommy's, are pretty sure that if your alimentary canal is working well then you are good to go. No pun intended.

When TeenDream was younger it wasn't unusual for him to occasionally say "My tummy hurts" and my auto-response was "When was the last time you pooped?" Now he just says "My stomach hurts and I pooped (fill in a day and time)" - it just makes things easier.

The Hubster, as a Navy Nuke Submariner, has tortured his bowels, so they are also topics of conversation. Also, he comes from a genetically gassy family so there is always something floating around. Again, no pun intended. (BTW - there is a whole story regarding this type of thing in the new book - embarrassing but funny in a strange and twisted way.)

So no-one but me was surprised when The Beasties developed butt issues. The Hubster, upon hearing about the issues called me the Doggie Butt Queen - thanks my love.

It all started when I was down at Mama's. Girl Beast, hereafter referred to as GB, supercharged her already overdeveloped obsession with her butt. Now, we all know that dogs mess with their butts, but what you might not know is that they have some serious anal glands that secrete the stinkiest substance known to man.... even worse than "dog eats cat food" farts.We just kept telling her to stop and went on with our daily lives. Then she started getting very testy with Boy Beast, hereafter referred to as BB. Now, in normal daily life she will get testy with him about once a week but this was happening two or three times a day. Finally, on Saturday, she stopped chasing the cats. She just lay on the sofa. I went to se what was going on with her and give her some cuddle time and realized that she was sick... something was definitely wrong. After a confab with mama we decided that a trip to the emergency vet was in order. While there we noticed she now had a rash on her stomach. O.M.G. A rash.

Finally we got in to an examination room. They took her to the back and discovered that she had severely full anal glands that needed to be expressed. We had that done... I may get the whole butt thing but squeezing my dog's butt glands is just not in the cards... I will pay someone to do that. Anyway, we brought her stinky butt home and gave her a bath in the sink... then gave her the prescribed antibiotic and steroids for the time needed - problem solved.

So, we get home, me and the beasts, and TeenDream is back from his trip to visit cousins and life falls into a routine. BB, who has chronic hemorrhagic gastroenteritis, is eating okay and doing the dookie thing pretty regularly. GB is doing fine... still a little obsessed with her butt but I'm thinking that is pretty normal after having your butt violated and expressed.

Then BB begins having what I assumed were his normal butt issues. Right up until he oozed some reddish brown goo on TeenDream's shirt. Now that was some drama. ANother trip to the vet - thankfully not the emergency kinds as our vet stays open til 7 and takes walk-ins. Guess what? Anal glands again. We had them expressed.... my poor BB, and they bathed his butt for me so there wasn't any total stink going on.

So now my beasties are on a 6 month anal gland expressing schedule to avoid any future problems. Routine butt maintenance.

What more could I ask for?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Clearing Out the Clutter

So, with all the changes of orders etc that are happening I will need to get my house on the market faster than I thought. Not that this is a bad thing - I'm quite happy about potentially being in the same time and location as The Hubster - but it has thrown off my schedule - horribly.

I am not an excellent housekeeper. Now, my house isn't gross but it is cluttered. I come by this genetically - I get it from my mother. I toss things out reluctantly - "you never know when you might need it" is my motto. The Hubster, bless his heart, is a pack-rat too. This makes things difficult - particularly since he is not here to go through his own stuff.

I decided to start with the office/craft room. It isn't big but it is full of fabric, craft items, jewelry making items (millions of beads etc), paperwork, file cabinets, tables, sewing machines... you name it and it is in that room. who knew I had so much stuff? Certainly not me. We have lived in the same house for over 6 years, we accumulated things.

One bright side is that TeenDream is moving out "on his own".... I have all kinds of things for him. A small sofa, two chairs, a big TV (an old one), a small TV, the dining table I really don't like, mixing bowls, plates, a dresser, his whole bedroom set... and that is just the big stuff. I have other stuff for him too.... and my house won't be empty when he leaves... it will be more streamlined.

And then there is the yard sale I will have this fall. More extra kitchen stuff, clothes, shoes, books (hard backs the trade-a-book store won't take), and extra decorations and extraneous things that I have no idea why I even possess. I seem to have more of that type of thing than I thought.

Why do I have a bag full of bells? I don't remember buying them or what I cold have possibly been thinking when I did, but I have about 100 little brass bells. Also some tiny baskets and straw hats. I'm sure they were a deal when I bought them and I must have had some idea in mind but I either never had the time or just forgot. They have to go.

I have a book binder - I got that because one of these days I will finish writing my cook book. I will need to print it and bind it. I guess its a good thing I got the spiral spines for that too.

I have three printers. One needs a part. One works just fine. One is a 4 in one that makes the most awful noise when if prints. the noisy one will be sold.

I have a dressmaker's form. I will keep that since I do sew and like to design things.

I have 5 ghoul masks. The Hubster bought them for some reason. He has never worn them or given them to anybody. I think those will go.

I have fabric - more fabric than anyone really needs.... I will keep it and make things.. not sure what yet, but I will use it. Until I use it I can drape it artfully over the dress form and look like I am being productive.

I have a black velvet display "neck" for jewelry - also one for bracelets. I wonder why I don't have a black velvet ear too?

I have all kinds of paper - colored, decorative, construction - I guess I buy too much when I go to the paper store.

I have multiple baskets - not the miniature kind - but small ones, some with handles, some without... lots of them. I think many of them need to go. I have no idea where most of them cam from.

So, that is just part of the one room I have started to go through. This getting ready to sell may take longer than a month.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Being Newlyweds

So, a young friend of mine is celebrating her first anniversary today. She can't believe a year has passed and that she still loves him so much. I think it surprises people when a love that you thought was as big as it could get gets even bigger and better with time. No, I know it surprises people. Especially in this day and age of disposable everything.

having disposed of a marriage or two myself, I know this to be true. Lots of people think that I don't value marriage, that I don't hold my vows as important. Well, I do. I find them to be vitally important... but I also firmly believe that both people have to BE in the marriage to completely understand the workings of it.

People make mistakes... and in a marriage those mistakes hurt and can cause damage to the core of the relationship. Some people make the same mistakes over and over again, which makes a marriage hard for both of them, not just the "sinnee and sinner". And then there is forgiveness - some people can't forgive a marital mistake. Oh, let's not forget the dreaded "we've grown apart" excuse so many people give also. That is a hands in the air and we give up issue.

Now, I do not put all the blame on my past failures at marriage on my former husbands. I think they hold a decent amount of the blame, but I do believe it takes two to make and/or two to break. It can be as simple as "he hit me and I walked away" - two broke it, that I'm okay with. After all, being hit isn't part of the deal. It can be as complicated as "I tried to mourn and he didn't know how to help me. He got comfort from someone else and we failed to come together as a unit". Again, two broke that. Of course - this is where most people say "we grew apart". Whatever.

Anyway, I didn't want to love The Hubster. I was worried about dating him because I knew, somewhere deep, that I would love him. My feeling was that I had been hurt enough and he was too cute to not hurt me. I know, doesn't make much sense. Anyway, I do love him. Is our marriage perfect? Not by a long shot but we do try to keep the fun in it - we play, a lot. We can also be serious but those times are private and special.

Most people have hard time figuring out how long we have been married. We refer to our sons (his and mine) as our's.... well, they are. Since the oldest is over 21 and the youngest just turned 18 people often think we have been married for 25 or so years. They want to know our secret to happiness. It is fun - in case you were wondering.

Then there are the people who think we have been married for 2 or three years. They think that is why we still enjoy each other. I actually had a lady say to me "just wait til you have been married ten years, you will be happy when he goes on deployment." I replied "Well, we will celebrate our tenth anniversary in about a week so unless there is a universal shift I think I will still miss him terribly." I feel sorry for those people.

We still hold hands - something that to me is very intimate. We still hug and kiss and play. We laugh a lot. We talk - about strange things and normal things, politics, and family. We have similar goals... not exactly the same, even after all this time, but similar enough that we deal well together. We actually like each other as well as love each other - lots of people don't think this is important in the big scheme of things but it is - being friends with your spouse is vital.

Sure, we finish each others sentences sometimes and that can get irritating. We have heard each other's funny stories many times, but we laugh at the old ones and always come up with new ones. We still kiss in public - this used to irritate the kids but now they think it is pretty cool that we still love each other and act goofy.

We aren't perfect, not by any means. We still hurt each other and do dumb things. We are sometimes thoughtless and selfish but that is all part of the big picture. A small part. The big part - that is when I say "the worst day with you is better than the best day without you" and mean it. That is when he stumbles over the "I love you" because he hasn't said it in so long because he has been away. That is when, after being apart, he just holds me and I feel safe.

That is the nuts and bolts of it. That and determination, energy, fortitude, faith, and love. That is what makes us newlyweds....

Friday, August 13, 2010


So, TeenDream and two of his friends are looking at apartments. Not really... TeenDream and one of his friends are looking at apartments, with me. Three of them will live there. They have limited funds, of course, and don't really know what they are doing.

One friend just says "It has a pool, awesome."

The other one says "that sounds good" to pretty much everything that is said.

TeenDream has actually listened to what I have been saying and walks through, looking at everything, pays attention to the neighbors, and reads the online reviews of each complex that comes up in conversation. He even checks out where the mail boxes are located.

We found a nice, reasonably priced, quiet, second floor, three bedroom 1.5 bathroom apartment for under $1000. It backs onto a well established upper middle class neighborhood. The boys can reserve parking spaces for $10 per month. It is convenient for all of them as far as work and school go. It is convenient to shopping, family, restaurants,the interstate.... Hugo is happy with it. Boy#2 is happy with it. Boy#1 is kind of freaking out.

We haven't looked at everything he says.

We might find something better he says.

What if someone backs out he says.

TeenDream replies:

We don't have to see everything - if we wait too long we might miss out on this one.

the money for the square footage will be hard to beat.

We all have to sign contracts - if someone backs out the are still legally obligated to pay rent once they sign but NONE of us are backing out.

See, TeenDream is ready to move. He has been looking forward to this. He "has this Mom". Boy #2 is happy about it too. He has never had his own room. He is ready to try things out and be about 5 miles from Mom and Dad.

Boy#1 has been wanting to move out for about two years. He fights with his parents and family. He feels like the odd man out in his own home sometimes. Before any information on me and The Hubster's personal schedule speeding up he wanted to move out much earlier than January - August or September was his goal.

So, what's the deal? The two boys that are most secure within themselves are good to go. The two boys who know, 100% that if there is an issue they can call Mom and Dad and get help or whatever they need, are ready to go. And go they will says TeenDream.

TeenDream says "Well, if he doesn't get it figured out me and Boy#2 will be roommates without him and he can just stay at home where he isn't happy.He can spend the night with us every now and then, but he isn't gonna be there all the time."

Boys - funny, weird. And mine is so adult in his responses.... I am not as worried as I was about this whole apartment thing.

I'll worry about other things, like girls.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


OpSec stand for Operational Security for those of you who don't know. It means that dates and times and locations can't be discussed in the course of general conversation.... ever. Not in e-mail. Not in the grocery store. Not at the hairdresser. It is for safety and security (duh) and really isn't that hard to follow.

The Hubster and I have it down. When he wants to give me a date he uses someone's birthday plus or minus however many days - it is never in the right month - just recently he used my birthday to give me a date. My b-day is in Feb, but, since I knew already what month he was talking about it was easy to figure out the day and month he was talking about. The rest of the information was innocuous without the proper day and month.

That is the beauty part of it - we aren't violating anything and I can keep informed on what is happening. I like knowing. When he first got to the new Command he sent me pictures of his office. He told me about his daily routine - slightly different at every Command. He described his stateroom and the really loud and powerful air conditioner that vents in his room. We laughed about how he had to get a king-sized mattress pad to put on his bed. he sent me pictures of that room too.

That is part of being married to a military guy - finding out as much about his day, living conditions etc that you can so that you can still participate in some small way when they are gone. Asking what he ate for dinner may seem silly but it is important to me to know that he is eating as well as possible. Did he take his vitamins? Is he sleeping okay? Has he gone to the Doc for anything? It is my way of taking care of him.

I love that he answers my questions without laughing at me. I love that he gets that I am asking because I care and because I want to be as much a part of his life as possible. And I love that he does the same thing.

So, hate being apart, love that we find ways to communicate clearly and show our caring.

Guess that's it for now.... apartment hunting with TeenDream today.....

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The (Sweet) Familiarity of Pain

having fibro has become a part of my daily life - I fought it but it is not a game you can win. You can beat it to a draw but you can't kick it out.... just sayin'.

I am fond of saying things like "I have fibro, it doesn't have me" simply because I have fibro at a draw - I can function, not at the physical level I sued to, but I can do things without my cane/s. To me, that is good.

I went apartment hunting with TeenDream and friends yesterday. While in the office of one of the complexes I went to walk across the room, completely missed seeing a step down and ended up stumbling and wrenching my lower back.... just call me Grace. The initial pain wasn't too bad, but one thing I have learned is that we fibromites do not interpret pain in the same way, nor do our pain receptors respond similarly to you "normal" people. Our pain receptors just keep pushing out signals of pain even when the painful stimuli is gone. Many of us have since developed high tolerances for pain.

TeenDream got me home to my vicodin as fast as possible without speeding (I was very proud) and helped me into bed, brought me water... did all those sweet care-taking things that he has learned about over the last two years. After an hour, when the vicodin still wasn't working he asked if I wanted a muscle relaxer - I replied that half a flexoril would be good. He handed me a whole one. Then he said "I could force you to take it" and that was that. I took it.

See, he knows how stubborn I can be about my pain. He knows when he can boss me and when he can't. Yesterday I was a mess. Today I am a mess. I am grumpy and he is being bossy but it works out.

He feeds me. Makes sure I have water and my pills as needed and as he bosses. He is cute when he does it. Of course, I wouldn't tell him that - he would just be disgusted. Of course, if I wasn't a little loopy from the vicodin I probably wouldn't think he was cute at all, just that he is a little dictator....

So, I'm taking my vicodin haze and resting... a nap sounds pretty good right now. Maybe pain will be les when I wake up? Uh, probably not.... you are all due for two or three more vico-blogs.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Me... at a loss for words?

I talk a lot. I have no problem saying what I want, when I want, and often inappropriately.

Years ago The hubster and I had a "Hail and Farewell" to go to. He was a fairly new officer - even though he had been in for 15 years he had only been an officer for about 18 months. Anyway, a H&F is when you say "Fair winds and Following Seas" the the guys and gals heading to new Commands and greet the officers that have recently arrived.

The Hubster's bass at the time was a notorious yeller. To hear the guys describe it he turned into a slavering beast with bulging, throbbing veins who threw things and had spittle shoot out of his mouth while screaming at whomever was handy. This was everyone's impression. Socially he was a pretty nice guy. I was drinking beer - we all were. And, bless Hubster's heart, whenever let my glass get empty. This not only meant that I was pleasantly tipsy (okay, closer to hammered than tipsy) it meant that I had NO IDEA how much alcohol I had consumed. I am normally very careful and keep it to to or three drinks of an evening.. this night? Who knew? Certainly not me.

So, we get around to "farewelling" everyone and the Boss stands up to talk about one of the guys leaving. He proceeds to say that every time he had "chewed his ass" his wife had called to cry and whine for him. Everyone kind of laughed and then I spoke. Boy did I speak. I raised my glass and said "Good one Jim. How about we have all the guys turn around and we can see whose ass you've chewed the most?"

Dead silence. Complete and total shock on everyone' face. I thought the Hubster was going to choke to death, or choke me to death. The the Boss' wife laughed. She laughed and laughed and had tears running down her face. So, everyone else laughed with her. Disaster was averted.

So, intoxicated or sober I haven't ever had issues with words. I'm a chatterbox. I write long letters and e-mails. I wrote a book for goodness sake. And now, here I sit, outlining in my head because no sooner to I get revved to write and the words are gone disappeared. Out in the tether somewhere waiting for me to say or do the one thing that will bring them back. The weird thing is that writing this blog seems to present no problem at all.

Any ideas? I'll do pretty much anything except dance naked in the rain (wouldn't want to torture my neighbors) or kill a live chicken (just not my style). Okay, well, there might be other limits but we'll evaluate as suggestion come in... kay. thanks. bye.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Gotta love the Navy

So, we (me and The Hubster) are currently undergoing a one year unaccompanied tour... what that means is he is "there" and I am "here" for a year. In our case it was turning out to be 18 months - he would spend 6 in WA and then head on over to a small atoll in the Indian Ocean, Diego Garcia, for a year. Pretty sucky, but it lined him up for a great job in Japan that would give him a boost when promotion time came. We wear geared up - I had even gotten a Rosetta Stone for japanese..... then we heard from the detailer.

(A detailer is the guy who sends you to the job... he decides your orders and offers you jobs... we just got a new one too.)

So, our promised tour in Japan was no longer. Jeezy peezy... kind of hard to plan things and talk about it when he is in the middle of the ocean and I am on the East Coast. The good thing about his orders is I have always said "Go where you will get what you want and I will follow... your career is about you, not me." that is really hard for some people to grasp. I get comments all the time like "Are you good with that?" when talking about his orders. Well, I look at it this way - he is the service member. He has people to talk to about the benefits and downfalls of every job, promotion etc.... and he knows what will best benefit his career.My job is to support him, make a home wherever we are, and love him through whatever happens. I've got it down.

Anyway, they offered him two jobs to start. One that was not good -everyone said "Run away as fast as you can" and another that would increase our time apart. YUCK and NO. I didn't advise him of anything, I jut tried to figure out a way we could be together and not go broke since the second job wouldn't have him at the new location long enough for the Navy to move us and then had the ship heading back to where we currently live. So selling the house was out. renting it for 9 months was out. Jeezy Peezy again.... that job would have totally sucked.

Then they offered him shore duty - better job, great location.... and he/we needed to figure it out. Would it be a good move? Would it help with promotion? Would it be a job he enjoyed? Then we found out that the orders would come through about 6 months early.... YAY! He asked questions, got good answers, and said "I'll take it".

So, until orders are in hand I won't discuss it too terribly much. I will discuss that I now have about 6 weeks to get the house on the market. HAH. I have about ten million things to accomplish. I have lists to make. I have a kid to get moved out (TeenDream). I am wonder woman and will get it done... then I need a vacay!!!

Oh, and today is my anniversary - only the second we have spent apart. I will spend today thinking about my love, going out to dinner with my friend, and hoping that he can get another phone call or e-mail out to me. This is the life of a Navy wife.... and I love it.

Friday, August 6, 2010

One of those days

From start to finish yesterday was fantastic. Positive. Affirming. Encouraging. I want every day to be that way. It just felt good. Even the leaky eyes in Wal-Mart were good. It was just good.

I woke up well. Nice.

The Hubster called. Even better.

Our orders were changed and we aren't going to Japan but we have/had three pretty decent offers of other jobs. Not great but still good. The hubster was pretty positive about everything.

Talked to some friends, got somethings done... errands, rest, laundry. A pretty solid good for fibro me after a full day in the car.

Talked with TeenDream about his moving and all that good stuff.... sad but good.

Had great devotions not once, not twice, but three times yesterday. It seemed like every time I checked out facebook an appropriate Bible quote was staring at me.... fantastic faith affirmation and the guidance I have received from the Lord lately has been very clear and very powerful. Awesome.

Got word about new orders late last night. So excited but remaining quiet until the orders are actually in hand.... but it looks like The Hubster, will moving on to another challenging job, will be moving into a phase that will allow for more togetherness and quality time. So fantastic i am running out of words...

Just when I thought "the pooch was screwed" everything turned out better than well....

I love these kinds of days. I plan on having more of them.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Loving Life Today

Today has been a fantastic day.

I am back in my house and actually had a good night's rest - YAY!!

TeenDream is back and I have gotten to spend some time with him - YAY!!

The Hubster called from Singapore - YAY!! YAY!! YAY!! I haven't been able to hear his voice in quite a while. I cried. It was a fantastic call.

I just have to say, even when they are happy tears, when you cry in Wal-Mart people look at you like you are weird.

My eyes pretty much leaked the whole time I was there. It was great. It was weird. It really made my day.

Life is good.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Just giving you a heads up mom....

So, TeenDream is off in Ohio and I have been at my Mama's house for over two weeks. Glorious time for me.... I really do enjoy her company. Anyway, I have gotten the occasional text from TeenDream, just checking in, and I have tried to not be "all up his butt" while he is off with his cousins. That is much harder than it sounds.

We have a plan for this coming year - his first in college. He will live at home for the first semester and then move into an apartment in January. This gives him the opportunity to save some money and get used to larger classes and still have the "safety net" of parents, just for a little while. His best friend will be his roommate so that is good. Well, the best friend is having issues with his parents and wants to move out right now.


Uh, no.

Not a chance.


I am marshaling my arguments. First, they need to have some padding in their bank accounts before moving in to an apartment. They need to figure out how to budget and what things cost. That will take some time... I was planning on them using this fall as that time.

Second, getting an apartment now when all the college kids from WIlliam and Mary and Christopher Newport are headed back into town will be difficult.

Third, I'm just not ready for this. Really, I'm not.

Fourth, moving out because you are mad at your parents is not a good way to start your independence.

I hope they can wait - after all it is only about 4 months.

If not can I pull the weak, shaky fibro mom that is worried about being alone? Please? Pretty Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?

Well, I'm not promising I won't do it anyway. Sigh.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

"Warning: could not send message for the last 24 hours"

I hate it when e-mail goes down on the ship. Really.

It is the only way I have of communicating with the love of my life and they have taken it away.

Not that I put any big important news in it. Not that there is any urgency to it. Not that it is life or death for goodness sake.

Just the simple fact that I cannot communicate with him when I want to irritates me.

No phone call from him during the work day. No chatting about nothing important when he gets home. No sitting quietly together, watching tv or reading.

Just nothing. Just a big empty hole where no words or anything gets through.

Grumpy now and working on cranky.

Time served...

Time served... those are two words police officers and District Attorneys do not like to hear spoken in court. It simply means that yes, this person is guilty but they have been sitting in jail for a bit (mostly because they couldn't make bond) and we are going to let them go. As a former police officer I can tell you, it does kind of make you wonder why you arrested the guy/gal in the first place.

Yesterday or the day before, in Yorktown VA a whacko man assaulted and stabbed his former girlfriend and took her hostage in the WalMart. Now, normally I would pass over this as I just flat out hate the news but it caught my attention for several reasons.

First, this is my favorite WalMart - nice, fairly new, clean - and I shop there a good bit. How dare someone shut it down for several hours because they do not know how to resolve an argument peacefully? Really?!? Do they not teach proper conflict resolution these days? And don't give me that crap about his bad upbringing and being poor - I know plenty of poor people that don't stab the one they are arguing with.

Second, the guy got out of jail on the 23rd of this month. Yep - you heard me right, just 4/5 days before this he was sentenced to "time served". Guess what his crime was? Assaulting the same woman in a domestic disturbance. Time served - yep - hate those two words.

We, as a population, really need to think about this type of thing. If someone assaults me do I want them getting out on time served so they can come back and do it again? I get that jails are full, I get that housing these people is expensive but there are alternatives.

We could all do what that sheriff out west is doing - house them in tents and make them work the chain gang... he even has female prisoners doing it because he wants to be "fair". No TV either. And he feeds them what the kids eat in public schools.... who is going to say that the food isn't adequate?

We could make them have prison farms that pay for themselves... bad year farming = lean winter of eating. Seems reasonable to me.

We could fence off Utah and put them all there. They would be responsible for everything - food, water, electricity.... it could be a penal colony like Georgia was and Australia.... if they kill each other oh well.... yeah, I have no sympathy and saw "Escape from New York" too many times.

We have to think of something. This type of thing happens every day and gets closer to home with every occurrence. Just saying "you were bad and we made you sit in jail for a week or two" isn't cutting it. Not anymore.

Okay - that's all I've got on that, for now. It just riles me up and gets me cranky to dwell on it and I don't need to be riled or craned any more than I already am.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

proud? of me?

You may or may not know.... I went to see The VIllage People and KC and the Sunshine Band on Saturday. It was a fantastic concert and we had a blast. By we I mean me and my friend MJ (short for Messy Jessy). I took some video (against the rules) and got a great little video of her doing the Y-M-C-A "dance". It was totally fun. At intermission she handed me her phone and said "Ask for Marth."

Back up - her parents are WIllie and Marth. He is a retired Navy Captain about whom I have MANY stories and she is just Marth - stoic Navy wife and mother. Librarian extraordinaire. Punisher of great talent.

Anyway, I talked to Marth and told her that I had posted video of MJ to Facebook if they wanted to watch it - yes, we are friends on FB. SHe said great and then said "WIllie wants to talk to you." Now, WIllie is quite imposing. He is a great guy, don't get me wrong, but he definitely carries and aura of leadership and "he who must be obeyed" - comes with that whole Navy O-6 thing I guess. Add in that I haven't seen him for about 30 years and I was right back to being a teen again.

He asked me how I liked Navy life, how was I doing with it, what was my husband like, what rank was he, what did he do and what was his current job.... then he said he was proud of me. He was proud of me.... wow. He said he knew how hard it was to be good at it and that he was proud of me. Then he said he was proud of my husband, a man he had never met. That is the whole brothers-in-arms thing that service members have going.

My mind, so used to being proud of my husband, could wrap around that. He rocks. He is excellent at his job. His peers respect him. The people that work for him respect him. His bosses respect him. Others wives say things like "have your husband teach my husband how to do that" when talking about the gentlemanly behavior he exhibits at functions or the way he holds me during a Homecoming. He is so deserving of the respect.... I get that.

Me? Someone besides my mom proud of me? I mean, my son is proud of me mostly 'cause I am his mom and his friends like me, I am smart blah blah blah.... My sisters are proud, I suppose, to a point. I am pretty sure my husband is proud - I have always striven to be a good wife and support him and his Command.

But someone else? Someone I haven't seen in forever? Proud? Wow. It meant so much. I got choked up. He talked about how hard it is and that it takes someone special to love a service member. He said that I and my husband were in his prayers. It was fantastic, that feeling I had. I have been pulling it up for a few minutes every day and reliving that moment. I feel like a kid who has brought home A's on their report card and told "good job, I knew you could do it".

The whole point of this one is to tell someone you are proud of them. Mean it. Tell them why. You will really make their day!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Dog Days of Summer

So, it is July and I am in SC for a few weeks. It is hot. By hot, I mean heat index of 117. Hot. Mama is kind of getting up there in age so she thinks it is comfortable. Ha. It is hot. We were no the porch yesterday, about 9 in the morning, just sitting and rocking and talking. She was comfortable. I had sweat pouring down my body.

It is so hot that you take a cool shower and when you cut the water off you are still sweating. Hot. Burning in hell must be something like this - of course, hell is probably a dry heat so "it isn't as bad".

My dogs are hot. Mom's, um, dog (?) is hot. The cats, both indoor and outdoor, are hot. The inside cats are staying off the porch and the outside cats are trying to find relief by laying on the concrete. This creates a minor problem for the dogs.... well, for Helga. She has been traumatized by the cats.... inside and outside. Last week one of the inside cats chased her into the shower stall.... now, this wouldn't be a tremendous thing except I was actually in the shower at the time and Helga hates and fears water. Mama's cats stare at her. Glare really, in that totally evil way that cats have. The solid black one, the one that chased her into the shower, truly does look evil. He will glare, and stretch, and push out his claws.... kind of scares me so I can only imagine how terrified she is.

The outside cats have figured out her fear - they will drape over the stairs so when I let the dogs out I have to go down first and shoo all the cats... really annoying. Otto has figured out how to go around but Helga, oh no, she isn't getting anywhere near them without me be her side. Kind of a pain in the butt but I can handle it.

So it is hot. The dogs are developing phobias about cats and water. As we speak Helga is poised about two feet form the black cat, growling (as if that has any effect). I will hear her scream shortly and we will have drama - not that he will actually make contact with her but all it takes is a hiss and a swipe and she is off and screaming as if her leg has been cut off - drama queen is her new title. I will then put them out (the dogs), which means I will be out, sitting and trying not to move, sweating and wondering why I even bothered to shower. Hot. Dog Days.

Maybe I'll just go nap.

Monday, July 26, 2010

E-mail is a beautiful thing

I've been getting regular e-mails from The Hubster - this is a wonderful thing.... sometimes they are just one liners, but I worry when I don't get them.

Ah, the life of a Navy wife - I have already talked about our phone and such... now some about e-mail. We love to get them from our service members. It can make your whole day. It is even better when we can trade them back and forth almost like a chat. Those instances are rare - so rare that when they do happen, no matter when, we do not leave our computers until it is done.... even if the house is on fire. We want, no, we need that contact.

I am old enough that I remember no e-mail. I remember no satellite phones. I remember going through my buddies pregnancy and attending the birth as the "acting father" because her hubby had been out to sea since her 2nd month. He got back when the baby was almost two weeks old. The only things we could send were family grams.... one letter or punctuation mark per square and not very many squares.... we, needless to say, did not use spaces, ever. There would be phone calls during port calls but this was also the Cold War so the port calls were few and far between. There was so little communication between military coupes then....

I giggle now.... so many of these new "baby Navy wives" just don't get it. So the ship is RIver City or your sailor is busy so you don't get e-mail for a few days... they freak out. Really. They get angry and hurt and upset.... some of them send off mean e-mails, sad e-mails, "don't you love me anymore" e-mails.... really?!? He is working. He is working hard. Depending on what kind of ship he is on his schedule might be 6's - six hours on, six off. And in that six he has to shower, sleep, take care of any other tasks like getting a haircut, and probably has training as well. He is tired and working hard. If he doesn't have access to a computer that is set up for e-mail then he has to go use one of the ones in the library - and he isn't the only guy trying to get on there.

So, e-mail is a beautiful thing. And, if your sailor has time to send you a fairly long chatty one it is even better. But I take the one liners too - and love them just as much. It might just say "tired... heading to bed" but it tells me he thought about me, and that is a beautiful thing.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I have Scriptus Interuptis

I do, I really, really do. Writer's block. It sucks. Normally I just sit and write - all kinds of stuff comes out and I separate the wheat from the chaff later. I can sit and write this.... mostly because it is just me complaining... but a story? Are you kidding? I don't even think I could talk one through....

I have lots of them. They are rolling around in my head and refusing to come out. I can't even think how to start one. I have some that are half done but I sit to work on them and.... nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Yesterday I tried just letting my fingers hit keys. Gobbledy gook. That's what I got. Crap. Nothing.

I'm not distracted. I told The Hubster in an e-mail that I am just unenthused.

I'm thinking about publishing the first book to The Nook. Waiting on their software to be up and running...

I'm thinking about the cover for the new book.

I'm thinking about TeenDream and his life.

I'm thinking about all kinds of things.

The words are stuck somewhere.

Oh well.... guess I will just hang out and wait for htem to come back.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Sis#2 says I am a Masochist

So..... last night Sis#2 and I were talking about dating military men, being married to them, and some of the obligations that come along with it... this is a continuation of a talk we had a few weeks ago regarding military people and some behaviors you might see before they deploy. We also touched on thing like "when the drunk service member calls at 2 in the morning"....

My husband, God love him, has called me several times at 2 in the morning... a few of those times just a wee bit more than tipsy. Usually I take it with good humor - he misses me and wants to let me know he loves me. Every now and then (post-typhoon with raging double ear infections, no water, no power, and high temperatures...) yeah, not so happy about it. Then I cuss him. Rudely.

I don't know if female service members do this, but I can definitely state that many of the men do... regardless of the branch of the service they are in. Other men with jobs that take them away from home do it too.

My Sis#2 was appalled. She just doesn't get it - military wives can't be high maintenance.... if we are our marriages tend to fail. We have to have different expectations of our spouses.... they can't be home for dinner every night... military life doesn't work that way. They can't call/e-mail every day when they are gone.... military life doesn't work like that either. We love the phone calls... even the drunken ones. Maybe not at the time, but in retrospect those calls make a pretty good story at parties.

Are we masochists? Maybe to the outside eye, but to those of us married to service members.... we just understand. We get it. The extreme pressure they are under can do two things to a marriage - it can break it, and in some cases it does. Or it can make it - which is the case with strong spouses.... we don't have to be babied and coddled, although sometimes our service members do that. We don't need to be catered to. We don't need constant reinforcement. We are strong, capable, able.... our love is strong enough to weather the separations, storms, and issues that crop up.

Masochists? Hardly. Loving, forgiving, supportive military spouse. You betcha.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sorry I missed the last few days...

Let me tell you about it....

Friday I drove to SC from Tidewater VA (where I live). I was doing the drive alone with both beasties... they were surprisingly well behaved on the drive down. I left early, a little before eight and did the drive in about 7.5 hours. My right leg was really hurting by the time I got here but it wasn't so bad. Just wanted to relax and we did. Mama and I had dinner out - fried shrimp, squash casserole, fried green tomatoes and I brought home a piece of key lime pie. I went to bed early.... I was tired.

I woke up at 2. I thought the clock said 4:30... definitely not thinking straight. The only good thing is that I didn't make my tea. I did have a horrible headache so I took .5 a vicodin and went back to bed. Got up, fed the beasties, hung out with Mama, had a bowl of cereal, took a nap. Got up, took a shower (which is its own story), put my jammies back on, had some lunch, and when I went to get up my back did this strange thing all up and down the right side. PAIN. Just tried to take it for a bit. Then it radiated out my arms, down into my hands, down my legs and into my feet.... Mama brought me a flexoril (muscle relaxer) and helped me get into the bed, then she rubbed a little and I went back to sleep.

Got up, pain wasn't as bad but it was still there - up the back and in the hands and feet more than anything else - ate dinner. Mama made pizza and it was fantastically yummy. Then I had a double dipped ice cream cone, definitely not on the diet. Then I went back to bed and took another muscle relaxer as well as half a vicodin.

Woke up at 4:30 this morning... the real 4:30. drank tea, read, checked e-mail and wondered why my back still hurt. I haven't taken any pills today - don't like feeling muzzy - but still in pain. Hands and feet are killing me so typing this is taking longer than usual... I have napped twice. Missed church and feel like a total slug. Lots of water today and hoping the back is better tomorrow. I become a little emotional when the pain is like this and sometimes "my eyes leak." I really don't want them to leak today - don't think I could handle it.

I know I didn't do anything to pull a muscle. This is what we call a flare in fibro-speak. You can be totally fine one day and wake up totally messed up the next. There isn't much you can do except suffer through it and hope it goes soon.

I really hope it goes soon....

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Why do you even care?

I drove TeenDream to the airport yesterday. He was heading off to visit family. We stopped to get him some food before his flight and had some light conversation - mostly about travel etc. he hasn't flown in a while and did NOT want me to go into the airport with him to get him checked in. No big surprise there.

Anyway, we came to a stop light and i noticed my forehead in the rearview mirror and made the comment "Hey, I've almost come to terms with my forehead. Check it out, my wrinkles are going away and I didn't even need Botox."

Small explanation: I have worn bangs for the last 30 years and decided to grow them out. I have two brow wrinkles that really bother me and I have been concentrating on not furrowing my brown and using good anti-aging stuff on my face... battling age 'til the end!! ANd I wouldn't think of Botox as an alternative.

TD: "Why do you care Mom?"

Me: "What do you mean why do I care?"

TD: "Mom. You're married and almost 50, why do you care what you look like?"

(I wanted to pop him but I laughed instead)

Me: "Why shouldn't I care about whether or not I am attractive?"

TD: "You are vain."

Me: "When you are married and your wife is 'almost 50' do you want her to be a fat wrinkled slob or would you rather she care about her appearance?"

TD: "Well. if we are almost 50 then we are supposed to look old. Anyway, you already look lots younger than you are. You're just vain. And you are judgmental."

Me: "Judgmental?"

TD: "Yeah. You should record yourself when you are talking to people and then listen back... you are judgmental. Judgmental and vain."

Me: "Really." Said with great sarcasm that I think TeenDream missed. I'm judgmental - this from a boy who just told me I was vain because I don't want to look old and wrinkled.

TD: "Yeah. You should have a gavel and long black robes."

Me: "I think I would make a great judge."

TD: "No, you need a scepter. You are the Queen of Judgmentalism." (I haven't looked that up but I am sure he is following in the fine family tradition of making up words to suit the situation.)

Me: "Well, I have a scepter. And several tiara's. Maybe I should start wearing them around."

TD: "That's not funny." (I think he was scared I would actually start doing it.) (And I just might!)

Me: "You give me all this grey hair - you know, the grey hair I cover with dye because I am so vain."

TD: "Well, dyeing your hair is not as bad as Botox. Relatively speaking."

Me: "I am thinking of getting one of those chin and neck exercises though." (Said for effect although I have honestly considered it.)

TD: "Mom, you have issues."

By now we are at the airport and I am stopping to let him out.

Me: "Give your issue laden, vain, judgmental Mom and hug and get out. I love you."

TD: "I love you too."

I will remember that conversation for the rest of my life. When he is 50 or "almost 50" and working out or dieting or worried about losing his hair and his wife is worried about weight gain and wrinkles I will remind him. i will tell him he is vain. I will let him know he is judgmental.

And I will laugh until I wet my pants and he has to change my adult diaper.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Racism has been a political thorn in the side of the United States basically since our inception. Georgia was a penal colony, we utilized indentured servants, and we had slaves. Of course, most people like to think that slavery is the province of the US... it isn't there were slaves all over Europe and in the Caribbean Islands... many had slaves far longer than we did but people refuse to remember that. I personally think that the reason for this is that so many people, in our own country, that want us to be the bad guy.....

Anyway, racism is, according to Webster:

Main Entry: rac·ism
Pronunciation: \ˈrā-ˌsi-zəm also -ˌshi-\
Function: noun
Date: 1933
1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2 : racial prejudice or discrimination
— rac·ist \-sist also -shist\ noun or adjective

(Yes, I copied and pasted the definition.)

Now, that is not what I believe. I believe that anyone, regardless of race, can work hard to achieve success. pay special attention to the words "work hard to achieve success." Those are important words. People who choose to work hard are not people who say "I did not get promoted because of my race", they say "he/she worked harder and has more experience, that is why they were promoted over me." People who work hard don't say "they should hire me because I am white/black" they say "they should hire me because I will work hard".

The people I don't like, regardless of the color of their skin, are the ones that stand around with their hands out and blame their lack of success and happiness on other people or on their race.

My family always had housekeepers. We didn't call them maids because they did so much more than that - to call them a maid would have been a disservice to them and the job they did. Were they women of color? Yes. Did I treat them differently because of that? Heck no - I would have been punished and there was no reason. with one exception they were all members of the family. the one exception - well, she stole from my Mama so no, I didn't like or respect her - it was because she was a thief, not because she wasn't white.

So now, politically speaking, we have a black president in office. I didn't vote for him... not because he was black, but because I didn't think he could or would do a good job. He hasn't and he isn't but not because he is black... because he isn't prepared, he doesn't know how to lead, and his decisions are influenced by all kinds of other idiots whose race makes absolutely no difference.

I don't think the president is hard working.... but I do think he is a racist. He has surrounded himself with sycophants... and when everyone is telling you how right you are it is kind of hard to see that you are wrong. his wife is busy today, giving the opening speech at the NAACP National Convention - decrying Tea Party Members as racist - I'm pretty sure this is a surprise to the Tea Party members that aren't white. She can "get away" with it because she is black. If a white person were to say that all blacks were violent based on the threatening behavior of the Black panthers - well, guess what would happen?

When I disagree with something the president says or does, I have the right to voice it without being accused of being a racist. People seem to forget that. We all need to go a step further in our quest for a better country - reward the elected officials who truly represent their constituencies - whether they be white, black, native America, whatever - by re-electing them and punish those who do not represent their constituencies.

Don't let race play a part in your choice... that is what got us here. Let the abilities, choices, doctrines, beliefs, and actions of people play a part in your choices - not their race.

i guess that's all I've got on this for now.


in a military marriage your relationship revolves around two major things... departures and homecomings.

Departures are weird. Ours aren't too bad... when The Hubster is getting ready to leave he "gets busy". he works long hours anyway, but he will come home from work and do more work... usually til he is exhausted... in an attempt to make sure there are no projects etc that need to be done when he is gone. He will sometimes give me a list of instructions, particular things he wants done and/or the way he wants them done. Sometimes we have little pop quizzes on what I will do if this or that happens. I don't laugh... it just wouldn't be fair. He is very serious about it and I find it quite endearing.

Homecomings are different. I try to keep things at home pretty much the same when he is gone. No major purchases, no rearranging the furniture. Returning to life at home can be a shock to the system, why make it worse.

I always ask my honey what he wants for dinner that first day - he always picks a comfort food dinner.... bleu cheese burgers and tater tots, London Broil and potato casserole, spaghetti... it depends on the weather and his mood but I fix basic home cooking. I know lots of spouses that make a big production out of it - one gal always had a full Thanksgiving type dinner on Homecoming day with all the family. She was exhausted and had no time to enjoy her sailor. He had no one on one time with his wife and kids, and they usually had a fight within a day or two. Not my idea of a good time.

The first day home is for us.... sometimes a parent but usually just us. We get to the house, he walks around, greets pets, kids... touches all his stuff. He makes some calls to family - siblings and parents if they aren't there and we just relax. He get some time to adjust being off the ship. That can be hard... the motion, the smell, the noise, the constant flow of people for 6 or more months - just being off the ship can cause some stress. Sleeping in a comfortable bed takes some adjusting as well. I tell young spouses (wives particularly) that all the sailor wants to do is come home, touch his stuff, eat food that isn't ship food, have sex and go to bed. Not necessarily in that order either. They are so tired, no matter how much sleep they got the night before, that sleep often happens right after food.

I got a bad case of the giggles once when a fairly new wife (I call them Baby Navy Wives) told me she had homecoming all figured out. She would see him on the deck of the ship - we're talking air craft carrier here so they all look alike from the pier - and their eyes would meet. She would walk to the foot of the brow as he walked to the top of it and he would descend to her open arms... the breeze would be gently blowing her hair and he would sweep her into a passionate embrace. They would then walk arm in arm to the car, talking "love nonsense" (her words) and go home where they would make passionate love for hours.

Okay - what is wrong with this picture? Everything.... First, the pier is packed on an aircraft carrier Homecoming day - usually around 25,000 people including kids, grandparents.... and that is before the 5,000 or so sailors get off the ship. Second, the brow attaches to the elevators on the hangar deck.... not from the flight deck. Third.... is is either hot as hades on the pier or freezing cold, just a fact. Most passionate embrace do not occur on the pier - lots of hugging, maybe some of the really young ones kiss deeply, but most of the sailors are in a hurry to get out of there... No romantic walk to the car, did you miss the part about 25,000 people? It is a madhouse... people screaming and crying happy tears, sailors saying good bye to each other, people bringing their spouses/parents over to meet you or your spouse.... craziness. last - those hours of passionate lovemaking? Well, sometimes it happens for the young people but more often than not the sailor is so exhausted that if you even have sex it is quick and the sailor then drops immediately to sleep... That is all normal and okay.

People get their expectations up so high and are focussed on their needs that they sometimes forget about the sailor's needs. The sailor needs calm, comforting behavior. The sailor needs to relax... he or she shouldn't come home to a crazy frenetic atmosphere - they just left that.

So, Homecoming is what you make it. I do my best to make home a place he wants to be... comfort food, comforting behavior, and comfortable conversation.

Let's face it - he has been working pretty much 24/7 for the last 6 months.... he deserves a break.