Wednesday, June 30, 2010

MIssing My Heart

So, I am a Navy wife. It means so much more than being someone's spouse.... it means being a single parent 90% of the time. It means being Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, plumber, electrician, financial planner, laundress, errand runner, masseuse, cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, person to yell with, professional mover, teacher, real estate mini-mogul, party planner.... well, the list goes on.

I am proud of The Hubster. So proud of him that it is scary. He is an awesome sailor.... he works hard and has been rewarded with ever more difficult jobs because of it. He has been on sea duty since 1999 - 11 years and counting. After this and the next tour it will be 15 consecutive years at sea.... Hard work for everyone involved.

I love him like crazy. I call him my heart, often, and I always mean it. Funny how he wormed his way so deep into my affections when he is so often gone. I wrote him a letter yesterday (yep - snail mail is always fun o get when you are away) telling him some of the things I missed about him. I wanted him to see that he is so much more than a sailor, more than a paycheck and health benefits. See, we are in the very, very beginning of a one-year unaccompanied tour and it really sucks, and I wanted him to know the things I miss. I mean, I can take care of things here - getting the house ready to sell, selling it, packing and prepping to move... taking care of the little emergencies that will crop up over the next year - but there are things he provides that I really can't get anywhere else.

I can't get the special hugs he gives, the ones where he holds me as if I am delicate and precious. The ones that let me know I don't have to be strong all the time and that I can let him be strong for me. the ones that make me feel totally safe and protected.

I can't get his brand of humor anywhere else... the way he will look at me and say something that shocks and cracks me up at the same time.

I can't get my breath taken away by anyone else.

I can't talk to anyone else about some of the things I share with him. he holds my secrets... all of them, and he holds them close.

He doesn't judge me on any level...

We, as a couple, can sit in silence and it isn't uncomfortable. We also often finish each other's sentences which is sometimes a blessing, sometimes not, but always interesting.

I miss the fact that when we settle down for the night we do this little foot thing... it is hard to explain but such a habit that I miss it horribly.

I miss the smell of his neck after a day of work. I miss being able to sneak looks at him while he is getting ready for work or to go out or to go to bed.

In short (now that I have made it long) I miss pretty much everything about him. But, this is what we do, we dedicated, loyal Navy spouses... we miss our hearts.

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